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It happened in...

August

My brain's melting / Set defence systems to AirCon 1!

30 August

We've got this cactus. And by the power of Google, I've discovered that it's (or might be) a Cereus, specifically a Lemaireocereus. We were given it last year and it sat outside the front door all year doing precisely what cactuses do. Nothing.

But a while ago, these little nubbins appeared on it, which very soon grew into these enormous flowers which only appear after dark and only for one night. More on this exciting story as it develops.

29 August - 4th Test, day 4: England 477 129-7, Australia 218, 387 (f/o) England win by 3 wkts

Another day off, another mountain. 'Accidentally' found Mt. Kuratake, which is in the Aso-Kuju National Park, but seems to be overlooked for the more day-trip-friendly volcanic parts of the park. The views from the top of Kuratake are spectacular, and no photo could do them justice (particularly on a slightly hazy day). While driving around the summit, I found this torii and decided to investigate. "Only 650m to the shrine" it boasted. Didn't mention that I'd be climbing through undergrowth and a near vertical mud-slide for most of that, though. But the trek's worth it as you reach the top as you're greeted with an uninterrupted 360° view for, maybe, 20 miles. Will try again in the autumn when it's less hazy. And will take a picnic too.

Meanwhile, thousands of kilometres away, at Trent Bridge, the 4th Test, sponsored by the British Heart Foundation. Australia hang around a bit, as you'd expect they would, and set a dodgy little total for England who, rather than stroll to a deserved but undramatic victory, manage to lose 7 wickets before reaching the target, just to keep the tension almost unbearably high. So England go 2-1 up in the series with one more to play, a visit to the Oval on September 8, which should give players and fans alike enough time to recover, and fingernails to grow.

28 August - 4th Test, day 3: England 477, Australia 218, 222-4 (f/o)

They don't like it up 'em, do they? Today's special award of a magnum of Chateau Sour Grapes goes to... Ricky Ponting and Jason Gillespie.

Ricky, you could've said no. You could've refused the run. You didn't have to go, just because it was called. So who's fault was it that you were run out? Let's see... it was the substitute fielder's - shouldn't've been on the field in the first place! It was Simon Jones' fault - shouldn't've been off the pitch in the first place! It was Vaughan's fault - captain should be keeping an eye on this sort of thing! So whoever's fault it is, it isn't Ricky's. Best thing you can do, Ricky, is storm off the pitch effing and blinding to all and sundry, that'll undo the terrible injustice of being run out by a substitute fielder called Pratt... (it works on so many levels, doesn't it? )

And poor Jason Gillespie, bless him. It appears the crowd at various games have been shouting rude things at him. Oh, petal! Some things about his mother, and apparently other comments asking whether he lives in a trailer park, which, be fair, is a valid enquiry. And what's being left conveniently out of the equation is the now infamous sledging that the world's cricketers have endured from foul-mouthed Australian cricketers and crowds alike for, oooh let's say, the last 75 years or so.

Jason wasn't such a sensitive flower when Australian cricket dominated everyone, but now at the first sign of danger, he and his team-mates appear to have lost that 'famous Australian sense of humour'. Just goes to show that when sport is your only culture, it's not just a game.

27 August - 4th Test, day 2: England 477, Australia 99-5

And, in Monaco, the UEFA Super Cup - Liverpool 3 CSKA Moscow 1! Now that was worth getting up at 4am for.

26 August - 4th Test, day 1: England 229-4

Where better to spend a day off than at the top of a mountain. Up in Aso it's nice and cool, and all that can be heard is the rustling of the tall grasses and the chirping of the crickets. And so much to see. I stayed up there for ages. Just looking and listening.

25 August

Phil and Grant say "'Appy Birfday Bruv!"





24 August

Champions League Qualifier - Liverpool 0 CSKA Sofia 1

Well, we're through to the first round proper, but I can't believe I got up for this match, which Liverpool didn't even start playing until after the hour. I can only assume that this means that they're taking Friday night's European Super Cup against CSKA Moscow really seriously.

As tepid as Liverpool's performance is the build-up to the election. I gather our constituency is about as safe as a jimintou (Liberal party, PM Koizumi's lot) seat gets, so there's nothing going on here at all, which is a little disappointing as I was well up for 'observing' some campaigning shenanigans, but evidently the opposition parties don't figure it's worth it.

Elsewhere, Koizumi's doing a fair amount of backroom business, and seems to be cannier than I'd taken him for. The 'rebels' (I qualify that, as these are the greyest, most conservative suits in politics, but for want of a better word...) are apparently to be expelled from the party, and Koizumi has lined up some star players to take on some of his main enemies, including, in Hiroshima, Takefumi Horie, CEO of newly massive internet company Livedoor, who will surely do well, or at the very least disrupt the vote significantly for the incumbant.

Other than that, in comparison to elections involving the likes of Bush or Blair, this is decidedly pedestrian. But, I suppose, on the one hand, you probably won't get sick of hearing about it on tv (they're too busy polling the public about issues that matter, like their favourite vegetables).

23 August

In the summer we had kuuru bizu ("Cool Biz") and now it's been announced this will be followed in the winter with (are you ready for this?) - uaamu bizu ("Warm Biz"). Well ain't that spiffy.

So allow me to explain. Funky PM Junichiro Koizumi came up with this super idea back in the spring. The idea behind it was that the Japanese are too reliant on their air-conditioning, and the fact of using it so much actually exacerbates the situation, pumping more searing hot air into the already searing hot air. He had a point, and it's been commented on here before.

So were any laws enacted, any strictures passed on? Not exactly. Instead, the über-twee PR exercise, Cool Biz, was announced.

Quite apart from the name, which was designed to be both 'cool' and 'business-like' yet fails embarrassingly on both counts, the revolutionary idea basically came down to folks taking off their jackets and ties, and switching off their air-conditioners. Mmm. Whilst Koizumi appeared in every tv broadcast thusly clad throughout this summer, the idea never really caught on. This is Japan, and of course, someone has to be the first one to dive in, and if no one does, then the group doesn't. So only Koizumi and some of his cohorts gamely persevered with it.

Now however they've announced 'Warm Biz', which will come into 'force' October 1. (It should be noted that the temperature will probably still be in the mid 20s in October, but if the government says it's cold, then why let all obvious evidence to the contrary get in the way?)

Anyway you're bursting to know the details of Warm Biz, aren't you? Warm Biz dictates that, in order to save money and the environment, when the temperature plummets below 20°(on October 1), office workers should, rather than heat their offices, put on "knitwear, warm underwear, and headwear".

Yeeeees. Call me cynical if you will but I can see this meeting with a similar degree of success. I'll post a photo of a salaryman in a woolly hat the moment I see one (on October 1).

I'm just writing the PM an email suggesting daaku bizu ("Dark Biz"), whereby employees save money and the environment by switching everything off. Watch this space.

22 August

I don't like cockroaches.

Let me clear on this. I don't just dislike them, they repel me on every level, and leave me a bilious mess. They are disgusting, filthy, scurrying beasts and... you're itching just reading this aren't you? The fact that some of the roaches here are big enough to survive a good blow from a boot heel doesn't help. And when I saw, for the first time, one fly the other day, well that just took the whole experience to a whole new level of disturbing.

So I was delighted to find a video on the net of the moment a maintenance worker at a Tokyo subway station declared war on a couple of roaches under a manhole cover. Don't watch this if feel the same way, and are eating or plan to. (The video'll take a while to load.)

21 August

The Mashiki Summer Festival weekend culminates at 9pm on Sunday with a fireworks display which is attended by thousands from the surrounding area. The roads are friendly chaos, and the beautiful display outdoes itself every year.

20 August

Remember those Molson adverts with Jim Dunk? "'Smooth', some people call it. I call it shockin'. Absolutely shockin'."

He could so easily have been talking about Japanese beer. Germany has a Reinheitsgebot ('Purity Law') that only allows beer to be made of its basic ingredients and no more. Japanese beer is unencumbered by such considerations, and is thus so packed with chemical additives that a couple of pints is enough to render the next day a bilious nightmare. Learn from my mistakes. Don't say you weren't warned.

19 August

Time to break out the barbecue, for 'Reverend' Nick is departing these shores. Soon to be resident of Wellington, New Zealand, I send him off with a barbecue to remember. Not so much because of the colossal prawns, but because of the garnish on his salad. We're growing habanero (also known as Scotch Bonnet) peppers with some degree of success, and he gamely opted to have one in his salad, the first one harvested, no less. Well, one tiny sliver was enough to remove the skin from the inside of his mouth, and exercise his broad and varied vocabulary.

It turns out you're supposed not to eat them raw, as "they are known to cause dizziness, numbness of hands and cheeks as well as severe heartburn if eaten raw". You live and learn. By experimenting. On other people.

16 August

That was a big one. The earthquake just before lunchtime today in Sendai was felt as far south as Tokyo (nearly 200 miles away) and measured a 7. It says something for the way earthquakes are dealt with here that only 40 people were injured, and no fatalities have been reported.

And our rellies up in Sendai are all fine, if a little... err... shaken.

15 August

Last day of the holiday and it's a day of tidying up the garden as it's a bit cloudy and a bit cooler. Now it's been clipped and pruned and weeded, it looks decidedly better, all under the watchful eye of Obousan. We also had our first harvested homegrown pepper for dinner!

I'm also playing with this. Whilst it may look like a tennis racket, this one has secret powers. Press that red button on the handle and it becomes electrified. Then we administer swift and unsuspected airborne death to mosquitoes. And then we laugh. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Like that, see.

And now I'm sitting listening to Test Match Special over the internet.

The day will be marked down as a success.

Late edit: It's 2.50a.m. and I've just sat and listened to the last session of the test match. My heart rate's sky high and I'm full of adrenaline. And I have to go to bed. Some hope of sleeping.

3rd Test, England 444, 280-6d. Australia 302, 371-9 Match drawn

14 August - 3rd Test, England 444, 280-6d. Australia 302, 24-0

13 August - 3rd Test, England 444 Australia 264-7

It's O-bon weekend, the festival of honouring family ancestors, an important time for all Japanese families, and for this one, it means a trip to the mountains of Saga to gather with relatives.

0-0? Against Middlesbro? Is it going to be another one of those seasons?

12 August - 3rd Test, England 444 Australia 210-7

START OF THE PREMIERSHIP SEASON TOMORROW! I'm so excited. Liverpool away at Middlesbro, while new boys Wigan get a visit from Chelsea. Nice. Welcome to the premiership.

11 August - 3rd Test, England 341-5

Yes it is all sport in August. The test match started today and England again got off to a roaring start, finishing the day at 341-5 with Vaughan scoring a 166 which was, according to the BBC, 'majestic'. And Jason Gillespie got tonked for a wicket-less ton in 16 overs. Good lord. He can't be happy about that.

Today is also the hi no kuni festival, the first big festival of the year, and the biggest here in Kumamoto. Street-dancing rounded off by fireworks over the castle.

10 August

So they've started showing the Champions League games live, so I can, should I so choose, stay up until a quarter to watch them. I chose to do so tonight, and saw Liverpool beat CSKA Sofia 3-1. Not the most exciting of games, it has to be said, despite the goals. I fell asleep a couple of times. But it was nearly dawn by then. Ah, thank the boss for late starts on a Thursday.

9 August

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, another game of cricket is happening.

Or was. Zimbabwe's tour of New Zealand will be looking long and uncomfortable now. After New Zealand smashed Zimbabwe's bowling to all parts of the ground on day 1, they declared at 452-9. Must be a batting track, you'd think. Apparently not, as New Zealand proceed to bowl out the tourists for 59 and then 99, to win by an innings and 294 in a day and a half.

I'm off to see if there's been a shorter test match.

8 August

Don't you just hate it when a plan doesn't come together?

Since coming to power in 2001, Prime Minister Koizumi has made the privatisation of the post office his key policy.

But Japan Post is far more than just a post office. It's also an insurance company and an enormous savings bank, currently holding savings and deposits in the region of ¥330 trillion (about ¥200=£1). Opponents to the scheme feared the creation of a bank that would have dwarfed even the biggest of the Japanese banks (Mitsubishi Tokyo holds about ¥70 trillion) and insurance companies. They also claimed there was a danger of redundancies and loss of rural service.

But Koizumi tackled this concern by imposing a clause of obligation to across-the-board service. And the fact is that Japan Post already dwarfs all other banks and insurance companies as a public company, so privatisation would make little difference in that respect.

A key point though is that the massive well of cash represented by Japan Post has been used by politicians down the years to fund expensive vote-winning projects, described often by many as 'a cash cow', and Koizumi's plan would have shut the door on that.

So the plan was controversial to say the least, and viewed by many in the backrooms of power as dangerous.

But Koizumi staked his political future on it, and announced that today's upper house vote on the project would be regarded as a vote of confidence in his cabinet, and if it was voted down, he would call a general election.

Well, the upper house voted the idea down this afternoon, and after an emergency cabinet meeting, it is said that Koizumi has called a general election for September 11. His Liberal Democratic party has effectively been in power for 50 years now but has steadily been losing support over the last few elections.

So eyes down - Japanese politics just got interesting!

7 August

Were you watching that? Did you see it?!

Edgbaston, England 407 & 182, Australia 308 & 279, England win by two runs.

Obviously I wasn't watching it, but there's something to be said for sitting huddled in the corner with an earpiece in, listening to Test Match Special over the internet, god bless it. Was sounding increasingly like England were contriving to lose a match they'd put themselves in a position of winning. An enormous result, in more ways than one.

Took a trip down to Yatani Keikoku today, which you'll remember from last year's dramatic scenes of wedding ring loss and miraculous retrieval from the grips of a waterfall.

Today was far more gently paced. We took a stroll up the river, and encountered some of the local wildlife. We found our own little deserted spot further up the river, as there were one or two day-trippers camped out on the more accessible stretches.

5 August

As it's Friday, and we both finish work at a sensible time, we treated ourselves to dinner out, and went to the kaitenzushi (rotary sushi) along the road, where each lovingly-constructed comestible is a mere ¥100 - that's a laughable 50 English pence. So by the time we'd spent a total of about £7.50, we were pleased to discover that the air ambulance was indeed in service tonight, and they were able to airlift our spherical persons back home.

Now what's for dessert?

4 August

Woohoo! It's just hit 100° for the first time this year. Not that I noticed of course, because I was laying sprawled on the floor in a darkened, air-conditioned room watching the Discovery Channel until it was time to go to work. But the day wasn't entirely wasted as I 'discovered' that a Switzerland-sized meteor (that would kill most life in the immediate area in the explosive fireball, and would throw up a dust cloud that would plunge the rest of the earth into a catastrophic decades-long, pitch dark winter) hits the earth roughly every 100,000 years.

Guess when the last one hit?

2 August

OK, so I should know better than to believe media rumours. Especially in the close season. I'll file all transfer stories under 'believe it when I see it' from now. Back to the action. Champions League, second qualifying round, second leg - Liverpool 2 FBK Kaunas 0 (agg. 5-1) - Gerrard scores his 7th of the season before it's even started. KF Tirana or CSKA Sofia next.

Had a bizarre Lost in Translation moment in class today. A student was telling me she'd listened to someone give a speech on the subject of human rights. And that the main topic had been... She struggled to find the word. It later turned out that she wanted to say disabled people, but her electronic dictionary (these things which I loathe and detest, and which are a barrier to classroom learning) led her to say 'obstacle people'. Which stopped me in my tracks. Once we'd established what she really meant, I went back to the original translation and asked if this was really the way the Japanese, not a nation given to political correctness at the best of times, referred to disabled people? Yes, yes, she insisted. And I had to take a deep breath to keep back a flash of anger. I thought if that is the way disabled people are labelled in this country, then in terms of human rights, there's more to worry about than building a few wheelchair ramps outside public buildings.

But, no, no, my later research discovered. A direct translation might be 'people with personal physical obstacles' (the kanji are quite complicated), rather than people who are obstacles.

And so I add another story to the list entitled 'Why you should not use a dictionary in class and should ask your teacher (a real, live English speaker) instead.'

1 August

With Milan Baros looking set to be bound for Germany, even if only on loan, there's a rumour that Michael Owen could be returning to the Premiership. But with Rafa having just spent 7 million quid on Crouch, it seems unlikely he'd be in for bringing Owen back to Anfield, so the question begs, where would he go? Wenger is reported to believe that an Henry / Owen partnership wouldn't work. Chelsea don't appear to need any more forwards. Owen at M*n U*d just doesn't bear thinking about. He wouldn't do it. Surely.