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It happened in...

August





The end of month KitKat round-up

THURS 31 AUG

I haven't been neglecting all my duties, so here are the results of my latest research.

England will always be the motherland of the KitKat, and here's what's on offer there at the moment. Let me guide you - that top one is a plain chocolate Kat. All very nice, but the richness of the chocolate is a little overpowering for the plain wafer. I always feel that plain chocolate should complement other strong flavours, which is precisely why the second one, the green-wrapped plain chocolate MintKat (the Holy Grail I've shouted about before) was consumed in such gluttonous quantity. I could only stop eating those in order to scoff the third - the Caramac KitKat. It's a KitKat wrapped in a Caramac. I know. I believe we brought back two dozen of those. Lastly in that photograph is the Peanut Butter (alarm bells) Chunky KitKat. I can't abide peanut butter. Never buy it, never eat it. And yet... and yet... This is different. It just is, ok.

Lastly was this little number which caught me unawares in a corner shop in Charlton when I was buying my bus pass. Tastes more like capuccino than tiramisu, but either way, you're on to a winner if you track down one of those.

Little did I suspect, then, that there would be too much excitement to greet me on my return. But a quick mooch around the 7-11 put paid to that idea as I found the summer answer to every KitKat lover's prayers - the KitKat i-Stick. It's got nothing to with Apple, but in a moment of quirky fate, I also found an Apple KitKat! The former is a very tasty frozen KitKat with a rich chocolate ice cream centre. Delicious, but also very much smaller than the 'generous' box might seem to suggest. I haven't taste-tested the Apple one yet cos... I feel a bit sick now. But I'll let you know.

Back on the case

WEDS 30 AUG

I hope your day was better than ours.

I made the executive decision today never to hold out for the cheap air tickets again. The expensive, direct ones will be fine next time, never mind the extra cost. Anyone who sees me heading for a bucket shop is welcome to shoot me.

There's no getting round it - the journey back from England was hideous. It's bad enough that your holiday is at an end and that you have to leave loved ones behind. That zaps just about any cheeriness you might otherwise have struggled to muster. But all the extra security measures at Heathrow only served to flatten the mood even more. Not only are the measures being applied inconsistently and without urgency or common sense, it seems that BAA has dragged in any local student in need of a part-time job in which he can be officious and unpleasant for minimum wage.

The flight to Bangkok was a good deal shorter thanks to a near constant 100mph tail wind (9 and a half hours instead of 12), but incredibly bumpy for a 747 flight. The 9 hour layover in Bangkok wasn't marked by the happy chatter and lilting laughter of a cheery couple. But we got in a taxi and went and saw some of the sights.

But as the time approached for our flight to Fukuoka, the rain got more and more torrential and lightning split the sky every few seconds. Delays, delays. Honestly, I would've been happy if they'd waited until after the storm, but apparently the delay was down to the rain slowing down operations rather than a lack of desire to take off in a violent thunder storm.

Horrific. Certain I was going to be headline news ("The ill-fated flight took off from Bangkok during one of the worst summer storms of the year..."), my fingers left indentations on the arm-rests. Still, as soon as we're through the clouds, it'll get better, I thought. And it did. Though my stomach was now so unsure that I didn't sleep any. So instead I settled into my book, thinking the worst was over.

Which was a bit foolish. Trouble was, there was a huge storm in Fukuoka too. We had to fly right into it. Which meant that the last half hour was like a blind rollercoaster. And a mere minute before landing, the engines go to full boost and we're jammed back into our seats as Cap' heads up into the sky again. Sorry about that, he says some while later. They've changed runways on us, he reveals. So round we go again. Through the storm clouds.

When we finally landed at 9am, it was as black as night, but I was so relieved I almost cried. My hands were set like claws and largely useless but loosened up after the ride on the underground to Hakata and the two hour train journey. We finally got home some 40 hours after we started.

And when we did walk through the front door, having done a bit of shopping, we were greeted by the most unearthly smell my nostrils have ever been assaulted by. Whatever it was, it had had time to ripen in the 90° heat of the last week or so. When the lights failed to come on, we traced it back to the tripped fusebox and realised that a storm must have knocked out the power at some stage in the last fortnight. Including, of course, the fridge/freezer.

So in between gulps of fresh air and retching, the entire contents were dumped and the next hour spent scrubbing and cleaning the inside. Then it was finally time for a shower and unpacking.

So now we have a day and a bit to get ourselves back into the swing, and get the school/shop ready to open on Friday. I'll post pictures shortly.

Taking a break

MON 14 AUG

I've noticed recently it takes me longer and longer to leave the house for checking things that I may or not have forgotten. Imagine then what I'm like at the moment, going on holiday for a fortnight tomorrow. I'm so racked with indecision I'm coming to regular standstills.

Most of the hard stuff's done. The cat's been delivered to the in-laws who are kindly babysitting. But we left a deeply unhappy cat behind. When I went to say goodbye, she was nowhere to be found. I eventually found her in the futon cupboard, tucked away into a tight corner and none too welcoming of petting hands. So I guess it'll be a while before we're forgiven for this.

And of course there's a huge typhoon due to run right over the house at the weekend, so the garden had to be dismantled this evening. The hallway which was full of furniture for our imminent school/shop is now full of furniture and plants. And of course a few pots and pans will have to be strewn about the place under the usual spots that let in the torrential rain.

And hurrah! The hand luggage restrictions have been lifted slightly as it's been determined that books are no longer explosive. Thank heaven. 17 hours (all told) without a book could've been messy.

So I'm off on holiday. See you in two weeks (some of you, sooner).

Beating Chelsea ALWAYS matters

MON 14 AUG

FA Community Shield, Chelsea 1 - 2 Liverpool
Over the course of the last few years, the bigger premiership clubs have begun to play down the importance of the Community Shield (as it is now) as little more than a pre-season friendly with a bit of silverware with no cachet on the end of it.

The bigger mouths might be saying that it doesn't matter. Chelsea even went as far as to bring only half a team, and rather more tellingly, only half their support, with hundreds of empty seats at that end bereft of faithful long-time Chelsea fans.

But deeper feelings are obviously being masked, though nobody admits it or talks about it. After Liverpool had taken an early lead thanks to Riise's solo effort, they took the majority of possession and Chelsea resorted to the kind of long-ball tactics that the boss usually harangues other teams for (this psychologists call 'projection'). So when Shevchenko neatly trapped a Lampard pass and placed it past Reina with a precision that should worry all premiership teams, Mourinho didn't take it with the zen calm you'd expect in a game that 'doesn't matter', instead jumping up, screaming, fists shaking.

But in reality, it's true that the silverware was of little importance yesterday. The real prize for Liverpool, which Crouch ensured from a spot-on Bellamy cross that made John Terry look lost yet again, was not the shield, but simply victory over Chelsea, which of course means saving us all from the usual verbal nonsense inflicted on us all by their coach.

Despite Liverpool's rather dodgy pre-season results, they look a far better team than last year, with Sissoko bossing the midfield, Gonzalez and Pennant running with plenty of energy, and the signing that perhaps raised the most eyebrows, namely Craig Bellamy, looking a very shrewd buy indeed. They've now beaten Chelsea in their last 5 cup meetings. If they can just take that into the league, it could mean putting up a genuine challenge to the defending champions.

To Mr Blair

FRI 11 AUG

We certainly do Mr Blair paints himself as a 'good Christian'. I'm sure he's familiar with Galatians 6:7 ('As you sow, so shall ye reap'). If not, I'm sure numerous people have brought it to his attention recently.

If the war in Iraq had gone according to their plan (whatever that might have been), what would have been the benefit to the people of Britain? None. But as it is, how have the people of Britain been rewarded for the commitment of troops and the spending of public billions? The constant threat of terror, and fear and suspicion driving the accelerated fragmentation of communities.

International law doesn't allow invasion of sovereign nations with the aim of regime change, and yet Blair has yet to be brought to task for exactly that, even though his primary justifications have long been shown to be transparent lies. There was no link to the WTC attacks. Even if there had been WMD, there was no threat to Britain. Well, there's certainly a threat to British people now. They succeeded last July. And they nearly succeeded again yesterday.

The Prime Minister's policy, and his responsibility. He's made much of looking to the future and how history will judge him. There probably won't be much forgiveness.

It doesn't turn you into RoboWasp

FRI 11 AUG

Local telly told us that the temperature hit 37.7° yesterday. So I reached for a bottle of water. And not just any old water. No sir.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

But I have to say that my first tentative steps into the Vaam jungle (where not only Vaam Water!, but also Vaam Energy Drink!, and Vaam Jelly! await you) were not as heart-poundingly spectacular as I'd hoped.

I was surprised that it tasted of grapefruit. I don't know what I was expecting. Something with a pH of 2 that would burn and numb my tongue, perhaps. And I'm not sure why I was surprised. Half the drinks in a retail cooler taste of grapefruit (same as Aquarius = Dakara = Pocari Sweat).

And it didn't turn me into a maniac. With such an impressive list of obviously artificial ingredients, I expected something more. Alas, all my motor functions remained under control, and I wasn't swearing any more than normal. I was just, perhaps, more awake. Overall? Not impressed.

I have higher hopes for the jelly though.

I can laugh about it now

THURS 10 AUG

Let's say that for some legal reason I need a bank statement. Let's imagine this scenario in a couple of different settings.
In England, I'd...
  • Phone the bank, ask 'em to send me one. (Time spent: 30 seconds)
  • Or go online, and press the 'Send statement' button. (10 seconds)
  • Or, while at the ATM, press the 'Print statement' button. (5 seconds - 1 second if getting money out anyway)
  • Or, while at the ATM, press the 'Send statement' button. (As above)
  • Or, for the really primitive, ask the cashier at the bank to print a statement. Cashier presses a button and fetches statement from printer. (30 seconds, not including queuing time)

In Japan, I have to...
  • Go to the bank, fill in a form asking for official permission to be given a statement.
    Go and sit down.
    Cashier then passes the form to a colleague's intray. Colleague, in due course, considers form and wanders off with it. Disappears. Reappears some time later without form. Complete inaction from all ten staff members for up to half an hour, until mystery staff member appears from secret back room. Gives papers to original colleague. Who considers them, peruses them, stamps them, checks them, double-checks them. Further inexplicable inaction. Paperwork eventually reaches cashier and your name is called just before your temper frays. (Time spent: 55 minutes, a new Japanese record)
Technologically advanced country? Where?

Cricket latest

WEDS 9 AUG

3rd test, Headingley, England 515 & 345 beat Pakistan 538 & 155 by 167 runs
What a great final day to a test match! If you're English, of course. Having watched the progress on Cricinfo and watched the highlights on YouTube (how I love YouTube), I'd say that was just about England's best day in the field since the Ashes. They destroyed the Pakistan batting with just the sort of ruthlessness that I'm sure many other fans were a bit worried had disappeared. Although it has to be said that Pakistan didn't help their own cause with a couple of silly run outs and some unnecessarily wild shots. Still, I'm not complaining, the series is wrapped up, and England look like taking a very strong squad to Australia.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

TUES 8 AUG

Returned from a splendid sojourn to the seaside yesterday. The crew descended en masse on Oyano in scenic Amakusa for fun and larks. And barbecuing of large slabs of animal. And some drunken boating. Oh, and some fireworks. Apparently.

With temperatures in the mid-30s it didn't take long for the first of us to go into the swim. Suddenly there was a loud but out-of-sight splash that brought everyone to the sea-wall to ensure that he hadn't just slipped in fully-clothed, beer glass and all. Soon after, the prize-winning purchase of the day, a rubber dinghy, was blown up and launched. (Some folks were better at navigating this than others.)

Then it seemed that quite a large number of drunk people had quite a large number of fireworks, the air was full of smoke, and lots of things were exploding. I remember at the time thinking this was perhaps a little unwise but was entranced by the lights and the colours and unable to voice my concerns. I don't recall how that ended, as I chose that very moment to take myself off to a quiet corner and lay down my heavy head. Where I was awoken by the especially piercing shrieking of the cicadas some hours later.

Where does the money go?

MON 7 AUG

A report by Trevor Clarke in the Japan Times this week revealed that NHK, the national Japanese broadcaster often compared to the BBC, spends an astonishing ¥76.9 billion (£384.5 million) a year just on its fee collection system, which is apparently 12.4% of its annual operating income.

The NHK viewers' fee is similar to the BBC Licence Fee in that if you have a TV, you have to pay. But there the similarity ends. In Japan, it's an offence not to pay the fee, yet there is no penalty. The NHK fee collection is farmed out to a number of private companies, much the same as the BBC. The only difference is that the BBC are completely open about who has the contract to collect the public's money. NHK keeps it a fiercely guarded secret, citing "privacy concerns".

As well they might. While nearly 11% (1259 people) of NHK's employees are involved in fee collection, and are paid ¥17.1 billion, a further ¥59.7 billion of public money goes to 5700 external "NHK collectors", the ones who come to your door, and "various companies to perform the fee collection task".

By contrast, the cost to the BBC of collecting the licence fee is quoted as "5.2% of licence fee income" - remembering of course that licence fee income is only about 75% (as of 2004) of total income anyway. So collecting the licence fee costs them just under 4% of their total income compared to NHK's 12.4%. And unlike NHK, you know who the BBC are giving your money to.

So who are these "various companies" that cream off such a huge amount of money for the task of fee collection? If you're interested in who NHK pays with the public money they're being given, NHK ducks the issue completely. Clarke quotes NHK as saying "As it is not just NHK's own matter, please allow us to refrain from disclosing the details of the companies commissioned by NHK." Why the secrecy? What harm could it possibly cause to name the names if all is legit and justifiable?

The level of public distrust is very high, with an estimated 30% of households refusing to pay the viewers' fee at last count. Whether this is down to the fact that there is no penalty for doing so, or whether it's a comment on the quality of programming that NHK puts out, or whether it's a reaction to the number of recent high-profile financial scandals involving NHK employees, the fact is this is a surprisingly high rate of dissent for a country like Japan. And many of those dissenting voices are calling for a radical overhaul of the corporation, with financial transparency and a complete change of management being the key issues. Only then can the national broadcaster hope to start winning back the public's trust. But whether NHK will willingly submit to the ordeal of reform, and how long it could take, is another question entirely.

Going into business

SAT 5 AUG

September approaches, and that means just one thing for the people of Mashiki - the dawn of a new age.

Mrs C and I have thrown off the reassuring shackles of wage slavery in favour of entering the slightly scary world of self-employment. Our new school and shop has a provisional opening date of September 1st - I'll be running the school, and Mrs C will be selling her own line of mums' and kids' clothes (and English/England nicknacks) in the shop.

The preparation and paperwork so far has bordered on insane, but we're more or less on top of it, and will begin advertising next week.

It's news, Jim, but...

THURS 3 AUG

In case you don't get to see North Korean TV news too often, here's another bit of YouTube magic. It's the delivery which makes it special, rather than the content (which, much like the online news agency website, is mostly stories about presents given to the Supreme Leader by visiting dignitaries, of which there must be dozens, and military parades, of which there must be dozens).

If we score the first fella, who appears to be the main man, with a high 8, for both style and shoutiness, the second one has to be a 6, losing points for just looking and sounding a bit too friendly. The third announcer, the lady in the traditional Korean costume (which probably has a special name in Korean and which I could've googled in the time it's taken me to type this sentence), scores a 9. Because she reminds me of the stern headmistress of my primary school, who was as terrifying as only a psycopathic nun can be. The weather reporter at the end however gets a measly 2 and kick in the trousers for making no effort whatsoever to laud the glorious Korean people's socialist Revolution against the Imperialist capitalists.

It's all in the timing

WEDS 2 AUG

As you probably know, it's become terribly chic to whinge endlessly about the price of petrol. No matter where you are in the world, no matter how much it costs, it's too expensive, isn't it.

Well, the Japanese are catching on to this global fad and are having a good, if not terribly effectual, whine this week, as the petrol stations raise prices by quite a considerable percentage.

About two years ago, we were paying around ¥110/litre for petrol. It's steadily increased over that period so that now our cheapest local petrol station is asking ¥141/litre (about 70p).

The last price hike was timed perfectly to come in a few days before Golden Week, to nab all those who planned to hit the road for the holiday. And this week there's another rise - just before the O-bon holiday, where people all over Japan traditionally return to their home towns to honour their ancestors. But perhaps I'm overly cynical and it's just a coincidence... Let's wait until the New Year holiday and see, shall we.

They fight dirty, they do

TUES 1 AUG

And they'll catch you unawares, leaving you bewildered and wondering quite what just happened. I'm talking about your wife, mister. And if not yours, then at least mine.

So imagine if you will this recipe for disaster. Your house keys and your car keys and your workplace keys are all on the same keyring. Lose them, and lose everything.

Anyway, imagine then that you leave said collection of keys in the lock of front door, not only overnight, but all of the next day too.

Your wife may scold you. When she's established that you haven't left the house all day, the full implications might lead her to raise the pitch of the scolding. And when the realisation dawns that the keys must have hung outside since the previous evening, there may be waving of keys in faces.

However, should you then point out that she had been the designated driver and official Guardian of the Keys for the evening, (how often does drunkenness exonerate you?) the atmosphere will change. What had been a venal sin with a pending custodial sentence, will suddenly be downgraded to an endearing foible which we can both giggle about and instantly forget.

So do you see how that works? Me neither. But it wasn't my fault, and that's all that matters.





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