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That's all folks

SAT 31 DECEMBER

No! It can't be over already! I'm still getting used to writing '05' at the top of my paperwork.

We're signing off on 2005 (which vintage experts will recall in the future as a very good year) and hoping for more of the same in 2006. Hope you see in the New Year in style this evening - think of me as I'll probably be well into my hangover by then - and don't forget to add that extra 'leap' second, because heaven knows what havoc could ensue if you slip up there.

Both Mr and Mrs Overoften would like then to wish you a Happy New Year. Whether you check in regularly or this is the first time you've visited, do come back in 2006 and do use the message board for any comments you want to make (provided they don't involve selling anything).

Yoi otoshi wo omukae kudasai!

We're all made of stars

FRI 30 DECEMBER

I'll put the PS2 controller down when they tear it away from my raw, blistered fingers!

Katamari Damacy is the name of my latest addiction. Bridging the gap between magic mushrooms and crack, this game is a work of demented genius. Let me explain.

You're the Prince of All Cosmos, right. And your dad, the King of All Cosmos (of course) got a bit tipsy one night and smashed up all the stars in the night sky. And you're charged with remaking them for him. How? Simple. We're all made of stardust, aren't we? So logically, to make a star, you'd just gather up a load of everything on earth. And you do this by rolling around a ball that everything sticks to, and so grows to gargantuan proportions. Things start nice and small and you roll around floors and table-tops gathering up pins, matches, takoyaki, eggs and such. While at the other end of the scale, you're picking up trees, elephants, farmyards, islands...

Surely that's not all there is to it? Yes, it is. Great attention to detail, daft graphics and a fantastic soundtrack to boot. And I've only stopped playing because my thumbs are bright red and twice their normal size. But I'll be a-rollin' again when the pain subsides, mark my words.

Strategic Grill Locations

TUES 27 DECEMBER

Walking out of Mr Donut this morning with a lone, solitary donut in one hand and a flappy receipt in the other, I was reminded of these words from the late Mitch Hedberg -
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut. I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, "Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home. In the file. Under D. For doughnut."
Alright.

Christmas dinner

SUN 25 DECEMBER

It's amazing what you can knock together with just a toaster and a box of matches.

Turkey was off the menu, unfortunately. Apart from the fact we have no means of cooking one, I did find a cooked turkey in the Aladdin's cave food basement of Tsuruya, but on doing a double-take, I realised it wasn't an incredible ¥1,200 (£6) but an equally incredible ¥12,000 (£60) so there wasn't so much difficulty leaving that behind.

Christmas pud was very much on the menu though and hugely enjoyed by all.

Urban myths, Korean style

SAT 24 DECEMBER

Whenever I think the Japanese as a nation are barking mad and beyond psychiatric help, I let out an audible sigh, but then I remember that for this region of the world, they're remarkably level-headed. Take the Koreans for example.

I was told today of a 'belief' that enjoys national popularity in Korea, namely the grim-sounding Fan Death.

The idea being that a fan left on in a room overnight will create a vortex that will suck all the oxygen away and you'll die of suffocation (or even hypothermia). The same applies for air conditioners and fans in cars, leading Koreans to leave windows open just a crack "just to be safe, y'know". They are serious about this, and it's even reported in the media as a cause of death (see linked Wiki page for details from the Korea Herald).

How things escalate

SAT 24 DECEMBER

A 20-year-old man was arrested in Osaka on Tuesday after initially going into a police station to hand in a wallet he'd found in the street.

After searching him (why, I'm not sure) the police found a large kitchen knife, and took him in. He then crumbled in the face of very little questioning at all by confessing to burning down his apartment building the previous morning. Which I'm sure saved the grateful coppers a lot of pesky paperwork.

In the Navy

FRI 23 DECEMBER

Remember the single most serious aspersion cast against the armed forces? It was the Village People, wasn't it. But even in their 1979 hit 'In the Navy', they only managed to slip 'seaman' in once. Fast-forward to present-day Japan, however, and you find their navy (or the Sea Self-Defence Force, as they're constitutionally bound to call themselves) doing nothing to dispel the image, even reinforcing it. Take a look at a recruiting ad.

Keep the chocolate coming

FRI 23 DECEMBER

One of my students returned from a trip up north with a present for me - a Hokkaido Melon KitKat, bright orange but a delicacy nonetheless.

Slightly stranger, but equally delicious were the titbits that came in this unusual packaging.

White-out

THURS 22 DECEMBER

The forecast has been hinting at it for a week now, but ask any local and they'll tell you that apart from up in the mountains it never snows in Kyushu. So this morning the garden isn't under a few inches of snow, and pipes certainly haven't frozen, the buses haven't been cancelled and the cars aren't bouncing off each other as they come down the hill too fast.

Later in the morning, the water comes back, and when my bus comes, it's got snow chains on. Now where did a central Kyushu bus get snow chains from?

KitKat latest

TUES 20 DECEMBER

Call me fickle if you will, but I have a new favourite. Glancing around the konbini today, I spotted, grabbed and spirited away a multibag of Yoghurt KitKat, little mini kats which, unusually for white chocolate, are not muck. Available all over Japan apparently, but I've only found them in one branch of Lawson. The only white chocolate the kool kids are eating this Kristmas.

AhMADinejad latest

TUES 20 DECEMBER

He hasn't yet banned nail varnish, biscuits or taking shampoo AND conditioner into the shower, but in his latest shameless attempt at becoming the Taleban du jour, Mad Mahmoud has banned western music. In a move echoing Afghan government of yore (look out for the beard inspectors - coming soon), Ahmadinejad has ensured Iranian radio listeners' freedom from the tide of spiritual bankruptcy and amorality pushed by such peddlars of filth as the Eagles and Eric Clapton. No longer will the courtyards of the housing projects of suburban Tehran resonate to the beats of George Michael and Kenny G. You lucky bastards.

Extremes

MON 19 DECEMBER

I noticed it in the bookshop because the title immediately appealed to me as something I'd spent a deal of time pondering myself. Graham Thomas' Extremes: Contradictions in contemporary Japan is a book I ended up liking. There's a lot to like once you've picked it out.

My complaint, though, is the dreadful editing. Not so much in the latter part of the book, but almost every page of the travelogue section of the book is riddled with annoying errors - spelling mistakes (often repeated, both English - e.g. loath vs loathed, and Japanese - katai vs keitai [hard vs mobile phone]), missing words, extra words and poor punctuation.

This apparent lack of editing makes the book feel like it was stitched together from disparate parts, the first half being a travelogue, the latter half being Tokyo-based conversations and comment. A decent editor might also have dissuaded the author from including chapter 12, grandly entitled High Culture, at all. I say 'grandly' because the chapter has little to do with Japan, or a discussion of Japanese culture or values. In fact it's an indulgent collection of dropped names, and even more out of place score-settling, and jars against the rest of the book, and feels like a piece crowbarred in later because it hadn't yet been published elsewhere.

The author himself, convinced of the book's uniqueness and therefore superiority (haven't we heard of this attitude elsewhere..?), declares (at Amazon) "It has everything here and I capture it in a way that is rarely if ever described". When he sets about the discussion of the title, it's clear and interesting. I just wish that had been a larger proportion of the book.

Zannen Ribapuuru (Bad Luck Liverpool)

SUN 18 DECEMBER

Sao Paulo 1 Liverpool 0

Cos be fair, it wasn't for lack of trying. There are those that say that Liverpool's trip to Japan was their bargaining chip for entry into this season's Champions League and they didn't really want to go otherwise. Certainly the title didn't appear to be regarded that important tonight after a team selection that only makes sense in the context of the glut of fixtures awaiting Liverpool when they get home. With 3 strikers in the squad, Benitez went with only one, and Morientes is the only one not currently displaying any form, and he was far slower than the Brazilians' defence.

Although Liverpool's final touch would've embarrassed Everton, they overwhelmed the opposition in the second half, yet couldn't score. Apart from the 3 times that they did. One was offside, a second was ruled out for Sami Hyypia being too tall and the third disallowed for Christmas. To the delight of the Japanese commentators who have never seen a footballer so tall, Crouch ("Aaaah! Kurauchi! Kurauchi!") came on with less than 10 minutes to go and caused havoc in the Sao Paulo penalty area, showing that had he been on from the start it may have been very different. Perhaps not, with even Kewell's late penalty claim being ignored by the Brazilian Mexican referee.

Open House Productions presents The Little Match Girl

SAT 17 DECEMBER

The Hotel Nikko Kumamoto was the scene last night of one of the most daring theatrical productions to have hit the Japanese stage this year, starring stage-newcomers Satoshi as the narrator, Nakao-san as the eponymous heroine, and Our Illustrious Leader as Santa Claus in this (very much) adapted version of the Hans Christian Andersen classic.

This little match girl was an improbable and intimidating blend of Shirley Temple on crack and a Bangkok hooker, and stunned the assembly with her ad libs and enforced (if reluctant) audience participation, though they recovered in time to greet the finale with rapturous applause and adoring cheers. I felt privileged to have been present at the debuts of stage stars of the future. The face of Japanese theatre may have been changed forever.

The rest of the Open House Christmas party proceeded in a much more orderly but equally enjoyable fashion.

When pigs take flight

SAT 17 DECEMBER

The pig being how my computer was running. Ripped out the piffly old RAM and stuck in a 512 stick. You might think this is like nailing a spoiler to the back of a Talbot Sunbeam, but it's done the job. Now the pig is airborne. And not as excessive as some people (who shall remain nameless but know who they are).

World Club Championship, part 1

FRI 16 DECEMBER

Deportivo Saprissa 0-3 Liverpool

Last night Liverpool began their third attempt to win the only trophy to have eluded them, after losing 3-0 to Flamengo in 1981 and 1-0 to Independiente in 1984. Two good goals from Peter Crouch and a fantastic volley from Steven Gerrard, and Liverpool are in the final on Sunday to meet Sao Paulo (who won the Toyota Cup in 1992 and 1993). For one day of the year, Japanese TV is seeing sense and giving us 7 unbroken hours of football! Tis indeed the season to be jolly.

How happy's your colon?

FRI 16 DECEMBER

Jeff at Conbinibento introduced us to the very special kawaii delight that was Stomach-kun, a happy bit of anthropomorphosed offal.

Taking it just that little step further, as is my wont, I give you... Colon-chan! Spotted him on the window of a clinic in Kengun, urging passers-by to have a camera forced down their gullet to have their bits checked. Now isn't he just adorable? I'm waiting for Sanrio to latch onto this character, I'll be first in the queue for the plush toy, the stationery, the Colon-chan bento box, oh yes.

Silent Night

THURS 15 DECEMBER

Last Friday I linked to a video of possibly the world's most mental Christmas lights.

Good news and bad news. The good news is that they're no longer anonymous - turns out they are the work of a Mr Carson Williams, of Deerfield (Dayton, Ohio). Mr Williams is (no surprises for guessing) an electrical engineer, and spent over $10,000 on the display. The bad news is that they are no more! They attracted such massive attention that traffic brought the neighbourhood to a standstill, and they are also said to have caused an accident, so the local sheriff has asked Mr Williams to take the lights down. Boo.

AhMADinejad latest

THURS 15 DECEMBER

When he was elected President of Iran, some were a little nervous that perhaps Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be a little too barking hardline for international tastes. And sure enough, within days of his election, he called for Israel to be "wiped off the map". Mm.

So the early signs were certainly there. His poisonous rhetoric since then has shown that he represents a far clearer present danger to the region than, say, Saddam ever did, and Iran's known nuclear capability is therefore increasingly worrying for the neighbours. But Ahmadinejad's denial yesterday on live TV of the Jewish holocaust ("They have created a myth," he said), coupled with a demand to have the state of Israel 'moved' to Europe or the US, has shown the world just how twisted and primitive a world view exists and enjoys acceptance in that region.

So George, Tony - when do we touch down in Tehran?

Kawaii Overload

THURS 15 DECEMBER

So you think you understand cute. Small creatures with big eyes? Fluffy pink stuff? You amateur.

For a full education in the ways of cute, and some pointers about the Japanese obsession with kawaii, I advise you * to check out Cute Overload.

* The usual warnings apply to the hungover or otherwise bilious readership.

Oh so quiet

TUES 13 DECEMBER

Twas a quiet weekend. Took in the new Harry Potter and the Whatnot of Something or Other, which wasn't bad, but about an hour too long. They're growing up and getting angsty, so there's plenty of that. But Harry's archnemesis Voldemort looks about as scary as actor Ralph Fiennes does in real life, i.e. not. Would rate it as "Only if you've seen all the others".

The Christmas decorations are all up now, inside and out, but for how long no one can say as they are under relentless attack by the cat.

World Cup draw

SAT 10 DECEMBER

Well England fans have got to be pretty happy with that. Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago and Sweden - not the scariest trio to be drawn against. So we haven't beaten Sweden for nearly 300 years, but anything less than 7 points there is pretty inexcusable.

Besides, I prefer our group to Japan's - Brazil, Croatia and Australia? I'll be doing my own surveys today, but I'm betting than Japan Soccer fans aren't going to be as happy with their draw as we are with ours.

Roll on June 10! Frankfurt, here we come.

Dreamin' of a blue Christmas

FRI 09 DECEMBER

It's a veritable Santa's grotto outside our front door now, guvnor, and no mistake.

Mind you, these are the lights we're going with next year...

It's risotto, Vyv

FRI 09 DECEMBER

It's a different world (and season) up in the mountains of Aso-Kuju. The first snows arrived last week so it's very wintry indeed. Everything up there, the trees on Asosan-jo and the lake at Kusasenri, is frozen. Dark clouds gathered around the peaks, threatening more snow, and the wind was very icy.

But as usual, on the way back down, driving through Ozu and away from the mountains, the clouds parted and with the sun on your back, it was almost autumn again.

You're not from round here, are you

THURS 08 DECEMBER

Perhaps the most infuriating thing about the Japanese media is their treatment of 'foreign'-ness. From variety shows mocking foreigners simply for not being Japanese to the news media's knee-jerk reaction to crime committed by non-Japanese, the fact is if you're not Japanese, it can often be made into a stick for you to be beaten with.

Now this topic is central to the life of any non-Japanese resident of Japan and has been done to death in innumerable blogs and countless articles far more lucid than this, so I'll try not to labour the point. But I find Japan's treatment of race (and racism) shocking because it is so primitive. (Tamori et al doing impressions of a black tv personality that lapsed into impressions of a chimp, for example, on a lunchtime programme, prompted no outrage whatsoever.) No part of Japan of course is like the big racial mix of London, but this is 2005 and foreigners are no longer a rarity. This however hasn't improved matters for many foreigners living in Japan. In fact, the media has stirred up prejudices and fears to makes things considerably worse. (Japan Today recently had a vox pop asking "Is crime committed by foreigners on the rise?" Can you imagine the reaction to that question being posed in England?)

And there was more of the same this week and last, when Juan Carlos Pizarro Yagi was arrested on suspicion of murdering a 7-year-old girl in Hiroshima. As soon as he was revealed to be Peruvian, all the news coverage switched irrevocably from the heinous nature of his crime and the pain of the victim's family, to an investigation of his nationality and background. He had claimed to be of Japanese descent (the name Yagi), and this was reported early on, but when one tv company's investigation revealed a person in a Japanese community in Peru hadn't heard of him, this was later played down and he simply became "Peruvian" (almost to audible relief), and the further down the evolutionary scale you went, the worse it got - this from a page of the Mainichi.

So with the downmarket media trying to put the fear up the populace with tales of (foreign) doom, it was interesting to see the National Police Agency's crime figures this week. I'd never seen crime figures broken down by nationality before, but it helps illustrate the case. So which ethnic group is most likely to commit crime? (Yes there are figures for this.)

Well, while you find Chinese and Brazilians at the top of the league, you also find that the crime rate for the Japanese themselves (in third place) is 12 to 18 times higher than that of 'westerners'. But in a country that likes so much to distinguish between Japanese and foreigners, no attempt is made (nor is any need felt) to distinguish between the foreigners themselves. The point of the word gaijin (for those not studying Japanese, this is a contraction of gaikokujin and means 'outsider' and was used for centuries to denote anyone not part of the community), and the reason so many find its overuse offensive - it's not where you're from, it's where you're not from. Despite it being an anachronism in the 21st century, many countries still have this insular outlook, but arguably nowhere in the world does a nation's interest wane so rapidly at its own borders as in Japan.

Odd one out

WEDS 07 DECEMBER

Here's some fun. Hidden among these barely interesting facts is one big fat steenkin' lie.

  • I'm forming clouds here at my desk just by breathing.
  • I took off a slipper for ten seconds and now I can't feel my toes.
  • Central heating is a Dark Art shunned on these islands for its "expense and inefficiency".
  • Japan is a technologically-advanced, 21st century nation

Did you spot it? Ah, you can never get too much complaining about Japanese building standards. Seeing as, from December 1st, it's mandatory in Japan to start every conversation with "Samui desu ne!" ("Cold, isn't it!" - and counterpart to the summertime "Atsui desu ne!" - go on, guess...), so it's also customary for non-Japanese residents to complain frequently in their blogs about Japan being the only developed country that hasn't embraced the cosy wonders of central heating and insulation despite so obviously needing it. But remember of course that Japanese logic dictates that just because it's true and painfully obvious, doesn't mean that anyone has to pay it the blindest bit of attention.

Warm in the winter, and cool in the summer? What is this witchcraft of which you speak?

Burning the yuletide log goat!

MON 05 DECEMBER

In the Swedish town of Gävle, they build an enormous straw goat every year as a Christmas decoration for the town square. And 22 times since 1966, it's been burned down. You can even place your bets down at the bookies on whether it will survive the festive season or not. But you're too late this year. It's already been burned to the ground.

The town's website carries a picture from (I presume) last year, and lists the fate of each year's goat. For example -
In 1969 the goat was burned on New Year's Eve.
In 1970 the first goat burned six hours after it was erected. Two heavily intoxicated youths were tied to the crime.
In 1974 the goat burned down.
In 1976 a car crashed into the goat.
In 1981 the goat was spared.
In 1982 the goat burned down on St. Lucia Day, 13 December.
In 1983 the goat's legs were broken off.
And late on Saturday evening, this year's too went up in flames. "Two men were seen running from the blaze, one of whom was disguised as Father Christmas," the BBC reports.

Hey! It looks like you're writing a letter! Hey! It looks like...

SUN 04 DECEMBER

If you've spent any time in the company of Micro$oft's oh-so-inappropriately named Office 'Assistant' (the animated genki paper clip, to most people) then you know what all the swearing and the keyboard smashing and screen punching is about.

Now, I'm no expert in Excel at the best of times, but tonight while I was hashing about, blundering bits of data into likely looking cells, and deleting what had until then been important fragments, up pops none other than Kairu, the not terribly helpful dolphin. Kairu doesn't fulfill the criteria of 'assistant' in my book in that, firstly, it speaks only Japanese, and secondly, it's a sea-faring mammal, and therefore not the obvious first port of call in a Micro$oft-induced crisis. And it's making cute dolphin noises and I can't get the sodding thing off my screen. Oh why won't it go away?

On the upside

SAT 03 DECEMBER

Meanwhile, at Anfield, Liverpool stick 3 past Wigan - one (and a half) of which coming from none other than Peter Crouch. Bless him, I bet he'll sleep better tonight. And Liverpool up to 2nd (ooh nurse - I'm dizzy) even it's only for a few hours.

On the downside

SAT 03 DECEMBER

Lahore: Pakistan 636-8d beat England 288 & 248 by inns & 100 runs. Oh dear. England lose the series 2-0 and to be fair, they got a good cuffing from a very strong side, though they didn't appear to do themselves too many favours either. In conditions that were never going to be as favourable as at home, some extra degree of application was required, but seldom arose. On to India in the New Year and see what can be learnt from it.

Lights, cameras...!

SAT 03 DECEMBER

Up on the Higashi Bypass there are a couple of companies who deck their buildings out in quite an array of illuminations every Christmas. Last time we went past it was too late, and the caretaker'd already switched off and gone home, so we made a second journey up there last night.

Though there were jumping dolphins, and Cinderella's carriage, I have to say that my favourite detail was the fact that they didn't leave the bike shed out of the excitement.

Bags I don't get a top floor cell

FRI 02 DECEMBER

Not sure how this inverted cubic pyramid plated with mirrors had escaped my attention for so long, but this is Kumamoto-kita (North) Police Station. It's the police headquarters and was built in 1991, as part of the Kumamoto Artpolis architectural project, which aims to provide imaginative modern buildings in an area which, it has to be said, could do with an architectural guiding hand.

Also on my wanderings yesterday, I found this poster exorting locals to grass on the yakuza if they get up to any mischief.

Latest Kitty-chan news

FRI 02 DECEMBER

From Taisei Coins comes the latest must-have Hello Kitty items - Kitty Euros! Yes, at the bottom of that linked page, click on the purple links to see the coins in detail, from the gold 50 euro with Kitty and Daniel ballroom-dancing right down to the silver 1.5 (.5?!) euro in 3 different designs featuring everyone's favourite merchandising behemoth around Paris.

Unfortunately, poor little kitty hasn't quite got her head around exchange rates. For example the 50 euro coin is retailing for ¥168,000 (about £840), while individual 1.5 euro coins are going for ¥8,400 (£42). Now, I don't know how many adults outside secure units might have a spare 840 quid and a desire to own merchandise usually the domain of 3 and 4-year-old girls, or indeed how many 3 and 4-year-old girls might have the said spare 840 quid, but they evidently believe there's a market.

The wife who mistook her man for a cat

THURS 01 DECEMBER

The cat didn't seem too miffed to be addressed by my name, but I'm fairly sure I'm going to be recalling this in future therapy sessions as a pivotal moment.

Dirty rats

THURS 01 DECEMBER

Just finished Rats: Observations on the History and Habitat of the City's Most Unwanted Inhabitants by Robert Sullivan, a real page-turner that purports to be a study of urban rats, but reveals more about humans, and the history of New York city.

Sullivan spent a year watching an alley and its rodent inhabitants, and delves through the detritus and the history of the city. Needing just the slightest persuasion to go off on a tangent, Sullivan tells a wandering social history of New York, but what's even more engaging is his tracking down of the 'big names' of pest control in the modern city. He meets people whose life is rats, and interactions with them reveal a certain unusual quality. Early on in his odd-yssey, he relates a meeting with one Randy Dupree, a 'rodent control expert', to discuss Super Rats -
...Dupree suddenly noticed a small fly on the table. He stopped talking, watched the fly for a second, then caught it. He looked at it closely in his fingers and placed it in an envelope. He put the envelope in his pocket. "I'll check that when I get back to the office," he said. He resumed talking. "Anyway..."
Such are the people (and I include the author in this) with which this book is populated. The industry of extermination throws up many obsessive sorts, and their tales are told by a deadpan reporter who gets just as immersed.

It's a strange book for sure. Often I don't notice quite how strange, as I was being dragged along with such enthusiasm. It ends up not revealing a great deal about rats, in fact, and the history makes no claim to completeness. But despite the subject matter, it's a bright book, and well worth a dip.



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