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It happened in...

June



Recommending...

FRI 30 JUNE

If, like me, you know nothing about the 1893 Chicago World's Fair, and the events and characters surrounding it, you'd very much enjoy Erik Larson's The Devil in the White City, and would have to keep reminding yourself that it is not a work of fiction, though it is written in the style.

The Devil in the White City, the author himself notes, is a study of a time of big ideas, of "the nature of men and their ambitions", and of two men in particular - the great architect Daniel Burnham, and the serial killer H. H. Holmes - of "pride and unfathomed evil".

Larson describes the city and people of Chicago from a time of great civic pride and exponential growth, and the group of men at the very centre of it who had the responsibility of carrying the weight of that pride, expectation, and the great rivalry with New York, by conceiving and constructing a successful World's Fair against a background of national economic crisis and a seemingly impossible schedule.

Parallel to the 'fun' of the fair, is the story of charming, intelligent and highly dangerous Dr H. H. Holmes (Herman Webster Mudgett) and his 'rise' from a simple counter job in a small pharmacy to being a successful businessman, property owner, serial fraudster and killer.

You'll see many other famous faces and spectacles along the way, and other historical moments and names will reveal themselves in quite unexpected ways. By the time you finish, you'll wonder that you didn't know about all this before.

When the World Cup walked out

FRI 30 JUNE

And so the World Cup just wanders back in after being gone for 3 days. 3 DAYS! You cruel and manipulative beast! Left high and dry since the second round with nothing but unsatisfying repeats and endless speculation of self-appointed 'experts'. 3 days...

And you can try to teach the World Cup a lesson. You can try to give it the cold shoulder and the silent treatment and pretend that you don't need it. Try and let it know how the rejection feels. But you can't. If the first quarter-final was Italy/Ukraine, then perhaps you could go without. But, no, it's Germany/Argentina, and are you going to cut your nose off to spite your face? No, that's some good stuff. You're going to let the World Cup walk straight back into your life and take over again. You're going to give in to it completely, like the pathetic needy soul that you are.

How are going to cope come July 10? Eh? What are you going to do then? Best not think about it. Cross that bridge when you come to it, eh?

World Cup latest

TUES 27 JUNE

Italy ½ Australia 0
And it had all been looking so good for a while. The Aussies were playing the nancies at their own game, and it was working, much to the Italians' astonishment. Cards were being dished out, then a red one. But even with the extra man advantage, Australia were still struggling to hit a cow's arse with a banjo. And just when you thought it would go to extra time, when the clock read nearly 96 minutes played, the Italians showed their years of experience as Fabio Grosso was wrestled to the ground in the area, and the referee agreed it was worth the points on technical merit alone.

So now the top-heavy Italians meet the equally fragile Ukranians, captained by Andriy Shevchenko who you'll remember only ensured progress to round two by tucking away a well-earned penalty that saw them past Tunisia. Should make for an interesting quarter-final. Expect plenty of cards.

Big Rain!

MON 26 JUNE

They warned us that the O-Ame ("Big Rain") was about to hit, but even so...

After it rained torrentially most of the weekend, a massive storm hit around dawn and going by local news reports, Kumamoto airport got 113mm of rain in just an hour. And it continued in much the same vein on and off all day.

15 landslides have so far been reported in Kumamoto prefecture, one of which closed the expressway. Local trams and buses were halted early this morning, leading to many schools deciding to close for the day. The huge Shirakawa river flowing through the centre of Kumamoto city, so low that it was revealing its bed just days ago, is now at a record high and flowing perilously fast, full of large debris. 32 houses were reportedly flooded in the town of Tamana, where 225mm of rain fell, while 219mm fell on Aso.

Weather warnings are still in place in Kumamoto, Miyazaki and Nagasaki prefectures as more rain is forecast into Tuesday. So that'll be good for a laugh.

World Cup latest

MON 26 JUNE

Ecuador 0 England 1
Again, not pretty, or even much fun to watch, but England find themselves in the quarter-finals.

Much has been made recently of Beckham being a luxury, but at least he's been responsible for some of England's few goals. If it's unnecessary luxuries, Frank Lampard, are your ears burning? Has now had four dreadful games, having left his shooting boots at Stamford Bridge.

When's Gary Neville coming back? Robinson needs more protection than he's getting at the moment, as I'm not convinced he's the safest pair of hands.

And why did England persist with the pitiful long ball game when Crouch is on the bench and Rooney's up on his own? How many times did Robinson hoof the ball clear over the top of both teams, straight to the waiting hands of his opposite number? What about a patient build-up, ground passes, using the midfield... When did you last see an England player break through the opposition defence and strike on goal? Not in the last four games you haven't.

Portugal are going to be tough, even without suspended Deco and Costinha and possibly an injured Ronaldo. Unless England shake things up a bit, they'll be going home on Sunday morning.

Korean protests, part 37

SUN 25 JUNE

Public protest manifests itself in peculiar ways in Korea. Of course there's the option to lop off digits with garden secateurs, you could knife yourself in the stomach in front of a public building (his name is/was Yang Bong-ho if you really want to search for a picture), you can eat the flag of the enemy, you can cover yourself in a couple of hundred thousand bees and attack the flag of the enemy, - the variety is seemingly endless.

Mix this flair for imaginative self-expression with the disappointment of an early exit from the World Cup at the dastardly hands of a dreadful anti-Korean referee, and you just know there's a Korean out there who will make his point loud and clear.

This just in

SUN 25 JUNE

It's been revealed that Peter Crouch has landed his first corporate sponsorship - The Isle of Man Tourist Board.

We don' need no steenkin' evidence

SAT 24 JUNE

I fell asleep to the sound of pounding rain, and I awoke this morning to the sound of rain pounding even harder. Tsuyu, the rainy season, has arrived.

But wasn't I chuntering on about this about two weeks ago? Yes, but those two weeks were marked by one thing - a clear lack of rain. And you can't have a rainy season without rain, right? Wrong.

Consider this conversation I had with a student last week.
"Now is rainy season."
"...", I replied, as the sun beat relentlessly down out of a perfect blue sky. "You don't think it's a bit..." I searched for the word. "Unrainy?"
Yes this is how I teach English. It's a highly successful method.
"Unrainy?" he replied to The Method in the traditional manner.
"No rain," I explained at length.
"Yes," he replied. "No," he changed his mind. "Rainy season," he concluded emphatically.

You see, the capital's already been getting the daily torrential washing it deserves, which means that it must be rainy season here too, because it moves up from the south, doesn't it. Don't look out of the window, whatever you do.

When some government handbook somewhere says that the date chosen for the beginning of tsuyu has passed, it's the rainy season. The fact that it's 33° outside with not a cloud in sight, not a drop of rain been seen for weeks, shouldn't dissuade you from The Truth. Just as when the man on the telly says that winter has begun, the fact that you're still sitting sweating, eating ice-cream under your air-conditioner shouldn't enter the equation. Get to a petrol station as soon as you can and stack up on winter fuel.

Because unlike anywhere else in the rest of the world, there are four distinct seasons in Japan. You can set your watch by them.

Another public service announcement

FRI 23 JUNE

Your first driving licence in Japan is only valid for two years. Whether you're an 18-year-old Japanese citizen, just passed your test, or a recently arrived foreigner who's held a licence for over 15 years, your first permit here, rather aptly 'green', needs updating after 2 years.

And getting this done is not a complicated process, but as with all things officially Japanese, rather needlessly time-consuming. And I had to be at the licensing place at 8.30 this morning. I have to say then, that staying up until 6 in the morning watching World Cup football is far from ideal preparation, particularly as there's a two-hour presentation on road safety to sit through. There's only one (legal) thing that can help in such situations - truckers' coffee.

This is something of a misnomer, and can lull the uninitiated into a false sense of security. It's only coffee in name, and is in fact a substance unique in science, supersaturated in both caffeine and sugar beyond the capacity of 'normal' liquids. And tastes little or nothing like coffee. If you're thinking of beginning a period of experimental hard drug abuse, this would be an excellent introduction. Available in mercifully small cans in vending machines all over Japan.

So thank the lord I had one of these on board as I undertook the two hours of very basic road safety (elsewhere known as "stating the bleeding obvious") in Japanese. Without it, I would surely have fallen in a deep and cosy coma, and embarrassed myself by planting my face into the desk in front of me.

Not that I should mock the fact that the licensing authorities make an effort to present a form of road safety education. Far from it. But I wonder what the value of it was, presented as it was in graphs, charts, nice bloke from the ministry, and incredibly polite language. ("158 drivers died while using a mobile phone. I humbly thank you for allowing me, a worthless wretch, to offer up this information for your exalted consideration." *) Whereas in England, any talk on road safety would, more likely, be taken by a frighteningly sarcastic policeman saying, "158 drivers died while using a mobile phone. They were all idiots."

But I patted myself on the back for lasting the full two hours without giving in to the pressing demands of my eyelids, and I'm now the owner of a shiny blue licence. Oh yes. And with my new and vastly increased bank of road safety knowledge (for example 'Arguments with your wife will leave you preoccupied and prone to accidents') I am deemed tested and safe to take to the streets of Japan until 2009. Which is not a World Cup year.


* Translation may be wildly inaccurate.


O-tanjoubi omedetou!

FRI 23 JUNE

Happy Birthday, to me!


A nation mourns

FRI 23 JUNE

Brazil 4 Japan 1
Not to be beat about the bush, Japan took a good spanking from Brazil this morning. And considering how most footie fans here were muttering about impossible tasks and the need for a miracle, they're taking it all a lot harder than I thought.

It was looking alright after half an hour when Japan took the lead with a rather tasty goal from Keiji Tamada. But when Ronaldo equalised in first half injury time, the mood changed and that sense of inevitability came rushing back. As did Brazil, who were relentless in the second half.

So just a few hours later, the morning programmes started the autopsy. And for another four years, that's all folks.


KitKat latest!

THURS 22 JUNE

Hold on to your hat, as KitKat brings you an education in ancient mythology. The latest KitKat is the Wish upon a Star KitKat, and is a tasty little number that's apparently been brought out to commemorate the 5th Anniversary of Universal Studios Japan.

To understand the promotion that USJ and KitKat have put together you have to know about the Japanese festival Tanabata, which literally means 'seven evenings', and is also known as the Star Festival. And to understand this festival, you have to know about the legend of Ohirime and Hikoboshi (Vega and Altair, in western mythology). Ohirime was a weaver-girl, and she fell so in love with Hikoboshi the Cowherd that they both neglected their work. Enraged, the gods banished them to opposite sides of the Ama no Gawa ("River of the Heavens" - the Milky Way), allowing them to meet up only once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month. When Ohirime came for their first meeting, she saw that the Milky Way was unbridgeable, and wept, with roused the sympathy of Kasasagi (a magpie). All the magpies together spread their wings to form a bridge for the lovers to cross. But, according to the legend, if the evening of the seventh day of the seventh is rainy the magpies will not come and the lovers will have to wait another year.

In the old lunar calendar the legendary date is interpreted as either July 7 or August 7, so you can find the festival celebrated on both days in different regions of Japan. On that day it's a custom to erect bamboo branches and decorate them with charms and to tie on wishes written on strips of paper. After the festival, the branches are sometimes thrown into a river to ensure luck.

The promotional website allows you participate in the tradition digitally by posting your wishes in an online 'galaxy'.

The kitkat itself is a rather delicious marbled affair, like an especially rich and creamy regularkat. Testers have been through two boxes so far and were last reported to be murmuring "Mmmmm".


But we didn't need to win it

WEDS 21 JUNE

Sweden 2 England 2
...looking on the bright side. Hugely improved first half, great goals from Cole and Gerrard.

On the darker side, the second half, when more of the same would've done nicely, reverted back to previous performances. And that awful, weak last minute goal... And Owen's World Cup appears to be over. With only 3 fit strikers on call, Walcott will be the only reserve on the bench against Ecuador. What are the chances of him getting to play, do you think?


I'm the Invisible Man

TUES 20 JUNE

Today's statistics:
# of people I met who know me reasonably well - 6
# of those people who noticed I'd shaved off my beard - 0


Never underestimate the power of denial

TUES 20 JUNE

So who still believes that the US, the UK and its band of Merry Men invaded Iraq because it represented a clear and present threat to those countries? Not many hands going up, but there are still some at the back of the room.

Remember the mobile biological weapons labs that Colin vouched for? Remember that 'sexed-up' dossier that assured us that Saddam had chemical weapons ready and waiting for us all at a mere 45 minutes notice? Remember that neither before, during nor since have they found a single shred of evidence to support the stated reasons for invasion?

Strange then, after a full military invasion, bombardment and occupation based on no evidence whatsoever, that the same chaps should be so reticent to repeat the altruistic heroics in North Korea. Up until recently we've all been thinking "But that nice Mr Kim hasn't got any oil. In fact he hasn't got anything worth nicking at all." And that may well be true. But what he has got is the Taepodong-2 missile. Now, while the fullest range of Iraq's military ballistics wouldn't even have registered on US or UK radars, this little Korean number is apparently a little spicier. They've yet to test it, but it's believed to be quite capable of leaving the Pacific behind it and making holes in the continental US, with a range of up to 6000km. So what part of 'clear and present danger' is the difficult bit?

Someone (though from which side, I'm not sure) let it be known that those scamps in Pyongyang are set to test their new baby, and so the chaps in Washington mumbled that they weren't so sure that was a good idea, and their chums in Tokyo let it be known that they too were far from pleased at the prospect, with the P.S. that should anything go wrong and it happened to land on Japan, then this would rather understandably be met with 'stern actions'.

I just wonder how long ago The Coalition of God's Good and Clean would have invaded if North Korea were floating on a sea of oil, and not instead just a stubby bit of land with no resources but with the full support of the not-inconsiderable armed forces of China. Hmm. It's a poser, isn't it.


Post mortem one step closer

MON 19 JUNE

Japan 0 Croatia 0
Did well to get a point, I thought. Those who lament Japan's not winning the game are, I fear, somewhere up at the 'hopeless' end of optimistic. Doesn't change the fact that they still have to knock 3 or 4 past Brazil on Friday morning.


S & M comes to a Messi end

SAT 17 JUNE

Argentina 6 Serbia & Montenegro 0
Have we just seen the tournament winners in action? Even though Serbia helped by not being very good and also going down to 10 men, be under no illusions - Argentina were both ruthless and stylish, and are showing the sort of form that no other team at the World Cup is. Stunning goals too, of which Cambiasso's is unlikely to be bettered in this tournament, 24 fluent passes and 9 players involved in the build-up. And all rounded off by a great strike from teenager Lionel Messi.

Diego enjoyed it. And I have to say I rather did myself too.


World Cup latest

FRI 16 JUNE

England 2 Trinidad & Tobago 0
So hands up who was nervous? Mm? No one going to admit to it?

One school of thought says we should focus on the result, 3 more points, and two good goals from Liverpool duo Crouch and Gerrard. But it would also be terribly un-English of us not to wring our hands about a second abject performance in Germany.

And I know the euphoria that two goals can bring on after 85 minutes of frustration and disbelief, but I did have a giggle when the England fans broke out into choruses of 'Football's coming home' after both of the goals. Good one. Of course, grammatically, that would mean it's "coming" to Germany, but perhaps that's really what they meant.


Let's Zuiikin English!

THURS 15 JUNE

I was going to write about this ages ago, but without video evidence it wouldn't've made much sense and would probably have lost most of its comedy value. Well, some kind-hearted soul has uploaded some video samples to YouTube, so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you 'Zuiikin English' (bizarre, unnatural and context-free English phrases "with matching calasthenics").

In this first episode, you'll see how situations can escalate when you're a Japanese tourist in Foreign. One moment you're esconced in the safety of your cab, the next minute you're rifling through your memory for those "English phrases for when you're being mugged".


A later episode is aimed at the more feisty end of the market, with phrases like "It's your fault that this happened", "How dare you say such a thing to me!", and that phrase that English-speakers can't go ten minutes without uttering, "Hasta la vista, baby".

The full programme with skits between the aerobics reveals the context (in the most generous sense of the word) for using these phrases, namely when your salaryman husband comes home from work stinking drunk, covered in lipstick and inexplicably transformed into an American who also struggles with English.

Zuiikin English was originally shown on Fuji TV, and from the styles one assumes around the late 80s or early 90s. I stumbled over it on the Fuji satellite channel (739) on Sky Perfect. If you want to see more of those irrepressible Zuiikin girls, there's loads more over at YouTube.


KitKat latest

THURS 15 JUNE

OK, let's not waste too much time on this one. There's this dessert. It's called annin tofu. It's not really tofu, it's more a blancmange type of arrangement with a hint of coconut.

So somewhat inevitably, it's another white kitkat. The smell has a disheartening suggestion of Play-Doh, and the taste is a faithful reproduction of the dessert. Which is probably bliss if you're a fan of the dessert. I'm not going to eat the other three fingers.


Names can be deceptive

TUES 13 JUNE

Ah, Sakurajima... Literally "Cherry Blossom Island", Sakurajima nestles in Kagoshima Bay in southern Kyushu. Sounds pretty and delicate, doesn't she? However, Sakurajima is a colossal volcano, which used to be an island in the bay until a lava flow from a spectacular and sustained eruption in 1914 joined the rising giant to the mainland. And Sakurajima is still very much active and regularly showers the region with ash.

The volcano started belching smoke last week, and the Japan Meteorological Agency, in a special bulletin on Monday, warned of "the strong likelihood of an eruption", and has put the surrounding area on the second highest level of alert. The last major eruption was in 2000. No one was hurt, though a column of smoke rose 5km and Kagoshima city was covered in a layer of ash.


Cahill stings the Blues

TUES 13 JUNE

Japan 1 Australia 3
Remember England's first game of the last European Championships? 1-0 up until the 89th minute and then lost it 2-1? How the English felt after that is very much how the Japanese are feeling after last night.

Japan had gone a goal up with a very fortuitous Shunsuke Nakamura goal (in that Aussie goalie Schwarzer was barged out of the way of it) early on, and despite Australia upping the pressure in the 2nd half, looked like holding on for the win with goalkeeper Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi on great form, pulling off a number of great saves.

And then in the last five minutes it fell apart. After Takashi Fukunishi missed a clear cut chance to make it 2-0, Australia counter-attacked and scored 3 in the remaining time.

The Japanese fans we watched it with downtown were obviously crushed, but took it admirably well. There were mumbles of "Better luck next time" and many stoic smiles. It really was a must-win game for Japan though, who now not only need to beat Croatia, but will have to get something out of the final match with Brazil too.


A shaky start to the day

MON 12 JUNE

Kumamoto had its very own earthquake last night. A tiny shindo 1 (on the Japanese magnitude scale of 7) with its epicentre right below us gave the house a single hearty kick last night towards the end of the football game.

But this was only the warm-up to the main event. At five o'clock this morning, we were woken by a damn good rattling (which sounds filthy but isn't) that seemed to go on for ages. Although neither of us remembers more than one, there were apparently, in the space of about half an hour, 3 tremors of shindo 5, or 6.2 on the Richter scale, centred in Oita prefecture in north-eastern Kyushu. The quake that devastated Indonesia last month was a 6.3, so it's a measure of Japan's preparedness that only a handful of injuries have been reported.


All work and no play!

SUN 11 JUNE

The Japanese have long had a stereotypical reputation for being unusually hard-working. Why then has the Japanese economy been wallowing stagnant since 1990?

In the economic crash following the notorious 'bubble years' of rampant speculation, banks and companies that had assets in land or shares lost their money overnight. With the banks burdened with bad debts, they wouldn't lend any more, so business expansion simply stopped. Unemployment rose, and consumers stopped spending. It all ground to a halt.

The fact that things now have to change can not be denied - a recession that's lasted a decade and a half is all the evidence you need. But reform is slow, and as Mr Koizumi is currently finding, there is considerable resistance from those who are the most comfortable, and the need for change is perfectly easy to ignore for those who are quite happy to let things plod on just as they are.

And yet in this context there are still millions of people working so many hours that they have no leisure time at all. There is a word karoshi - which means death from overwork, applied to workers who simply drop dead with exhaustion after sacrificing family, leisure, food and sleep. Similarly, there is also karojisatsu - meaning suicide with all the same implications.

So with all these hours being put in, why isn't business booming? Western analysts say that it's because though the Japanese may work hard, they don't for the most part work smart.

A report this week from the Nihon University School of Medicine suggested simple exhaustion is costing the Japanese economy $30 billion a year. And this brings up the question of "hard work" and "productivity". They fact that they are obviously not the same thing is seldom brought up. Achieving the same in a shorter time, and increasing your leisure hours is anathema to Japanese businesses, meaning that millions of workers end up devoting all their time to the company.

This subjugation of self is drummed into kids from a very early age. It has been said that Japanese universities are the opposite of British universities. While in Britain, getting into a university isn't too demanding but you have to work really hard when you're there, in Japan you have to work like crazy to get into one, but not a huge amount is demanded of you once you're in. Therefore businesses still recruit on the basis of what university you went to rather than what you achieved there. Because of the way the education system is organised, you only get into the top universities if you go to the top high schools. Which means you have to go to the top elementaries. And there are entrance exams for all of these. There is pressure, then, on the kids all the way down to kindergarten level if they want to be the salarymen of the next generation.

And that "if" is a big one, and growing every day. There is a swelling group within the younger generations being referred to as "Freeters", meaning teenagers, 20-somethings and early 30-somethings who have overwhelmingly rejected the Road to Salaryman-dom, and instead live with their parents and live off them (hence the term 'parasite singles') and perhaps a part-time, low-salary, low-skill job. Some estimates claim there will be up to 10 million freeters in Japan within the next decade. What implications this will have in the future is a source of concern to many. (But this may also mean that businesses will have to review their recruitment procedures.)

The pressure being put on some kids by their parents can be seen in the streams of schoolkids on bicycles returning home at ten and eleven at night after hours of extra after-school classes, at the infamous juku - cram schools, where students get extra training in exam technique. And taking extra lessons often means lots of lessons - the BBC ran another excellent article this week, which tells a sad tale of the enormous pressures put on a child by his mother. There is a double sadness in the story, in that the mother complains about her boy being busy and under pressure as if the fault for this lay with a third party. The other sadness is that, like a growing number of children in Japan, the boy is left with no time just to be a kid.


Not pretty

SUN 11 JUNE

England 1 Paraguay 0
If fact, it was downright ugly, wasn't it. Still, we wouldn't have got more than 3 points for playing pretty. Worst of it was, though, I arrived a few minutes late and missed the goal.

But with Sweden drawing with Trinidad & Tobago 0-0, England now top the group, and a win against T&T on Thursday would mean qualification for the next round.


Public service announcement

FRI 9 JUNE

Advice now to those who, like me, may have to have occasional dealings with the public face of the government of Japanistan, namely those bundles of frenetic energy and relentless enthusiasm - civil servants. I would have any of them for dinner, of course, but my particular favourites, and this is no secret, work in the Ministry of Justice, the august department that graciously doles out permission to stay to unworthy dogs like me.

In a country where every conversation starts, if not with a seasonal "Hot!" or "Cold!", then with an all-year-round "Busy!", the good citizens believe tales of "9 to 5" are the myths of faraway lands. In the face of this, it appears that our Min. of Jus. friends could put Atlas to shame with their workload. It's so heavy that they have to close up and go home exhausted at 4pm. So what I'm telling you is don't turn up at their door at 4.05 expecting them to help, because if you do that after driving right across the city, you'll have wasted a significant portion of your day off.

So try to avoid that one if you can.


12 hours to go

FRI 9 JUNE

The weeks, months, years of preparation are over, and the gloves are off.

One of the morning shows today was weighing up the pre-tournament results of the Group F teams. Brazil haven't had much of a warm up, playing just one game in which they beat New Zealand 4-0. No comment was made on this.

Croatia's lead-up has seen them beat Austria 4-1, draw 2-2 with Iran, lose to Poland 1-0 and 2-1 to Spain. They have roundly been written off already. A certain 3 points for Japan, apparently.

Australia beat European Champions Greece 1-0, drew 1-1 with Holland, and beat Liechtenstein 3-1. The pundits don't think much of the Aussies chances either. In fact when they cut to a clip from Australian TV where an opposite number said no more than "Japan might be a little physically intimidated by Australia", there were howls of outraged disbelief in the hyped-up Japan studio.

So how have Japan's own preparations gone? They started their warm up by hosting the Kirin Cup, in which they were beaten by Bulgaria 2-1 and drew with Scotland 0-0, so going out at the earliest chance possible. Following that they got a creditable 2-2 draw against Germany, and then squeaked past mighty Malta 1-0. But not for the first time, an on-screen graphic, like similar ones to have appeared in recent newspapers, contained a very impressive yet mysterious scoreline. Who was it that Japan beat 22-0?

Yes, Japan who've been finding scoring so difficult of late, did beat someone 22-0. And that someone is... a high school team from Fukushima. You'd think they might ease up a bit after 10, but alas no.

"But it was just a kick-around, surely?" They counted the goals. It was reported in detail (there were 10 goals in the first half and 12 in the second, and Zico employed a 3-5-2 formation).

"They're not really taking it seriously, though?" Did you read that last bit? It was in all the papers. And the guys on the TV might only be kidding, but they kid really often.


There's not much that annoys me

WEDS 7 JUNE

No. That doesn't sound right, does it.

There's not much that annoys me... more than the hideous crimes inflicted against the environment by insane Japanese over-packaging.

Yes. That sounds more like me, doesn't it.

The time: yesterday, lunchtime-ish. The scene: the reception desk at work.

A delivery bod brings in a box about a foot by a foot and a half. "Ooh," I wondered, "Perhaps this is the new batch of course-books, teachers' books and CDs. Or perhaps a nice big set of seasonal samples from a publisher. Or perhaps an enormous wodge of supplies." So when it was opened up, I just stared in disbelief.

I know what (some of) you are thinking, namely "I've told you a million times - Do not exaggerate!" If you're so inclined, then just take a look for yourself.

That precious four-inch by two-inch box lost in the middle? Have we mistakenly taken delivery of some weapons-grade plutonium? Is it perhaps a live donor organ for something unbearably cute? Fortunately not. In that wee box is nothing more exciting than an even wee-er bottle of vitamin supplements.

Is there not a single person at the vitamin company who raised their arm and said "I think I can see a way to cut our mounting costs..."? Or was that shouted down by the manager of the large, empty warehouse, desperate to avoid the chop?

I'm not sure what's going on with this, but I'm pretty sure it's a trick, perhaps to inflate the hopes of the buyer and then bring them crashing back down again. That's not a particularly clever trick, I'll grant you, but if you have a better explanation, I'm all ears.


Give it a rest

TUES 6 JUNE

(With nods to football365's John Nicholson who feels the same)
Please would all non-English people in the press and on the internet complaining that "The English are so arrogant", "They expect to win" and "They think they deserve the World Cup", just stop it?

People making such claims know little about England football supporters and even less about the English generally. Let's get this straight, if it came to pass that England lifted the 2006 World Cup in Germany, most England supporters would struggle to deal with the shock. While we all harbour hope to greater or lesser degrees (usually lesser), I've never in my life spoken to an England fan who 'expects' anything. Of course we'd love to win it. Who wouldn't? What would be the point of being there otherwise?

What is especially galling is when 'other English-speakers not so far from England but not English' condemn confidence as arrogance, excitement as conceit, and celebration as jingoism. This is an extension of that bizarre fact that for some people patriotism is celebrated as pride unless you're English, in which case it's branded as racism, like celebrating being English is somehow offensive to anyone who isn't.

Claims of what England supporters 'expect' are widely off the mark. The very worst critics of the football team are England supporters themselves. The doomiest and gloomiest of Eeyores are England fans. Arrogance is evident in some who don't know much about football, but as a personality trait it's scornfully shot down as un-English by the majority.

Non-England supporters are always the first to drag up 1966. No England supporter ever does. It's extremely dodgy ground that no England supporter would tread. When you point out to the Anyone-But-England 'supporter' that it's the media who trot out that memory (which for a significant proportion if not the majority of today's fans isn't a memory at all), they admit that it's the media that really bugs them, and yet this somehow excuses them pouring out all this anti-English bile.

It's racism, isn't it. And for once, you can't accuse the English of it.


Something in the air tonight

TUES 6 JUNE

Roll on the rainy season. For the last week and a half, from around 6 in the afternoon, as the sun is heading for the horizon, it's been perfect weather to throw open the windows and doors and get some cooler air breezing through the house. Except that the local farmers, as they prepare their new crops for planting, like to take the opportunity of the imminent darkness to start incinerating their rubbish (which is illegal) and the stubble in the fields (which incredibly isn't).

Because different varieties of rice require different treatment, rice fields aren't prepared for planting all at the same time. It's not like there's smoke billowing into the house, buy lovely fresh spring air? Forget it! The nearest mountains are invisible and the valley's cloudy white every evening.


Disappointing

TUES 6 JUNE

Third test, Trent Bridge: Sri Lanka 231 & 322 beat England 229 & 190 by 134 runs
So England surrender a series win to one man, Muttiah Muralitharan. Let's be honest, Sri Lanka are a pretty average side at the moment. But England without Steve Harmison and Simon Jones, and more importantly the leadership of Michael Vaughan, are nowhere near the side that downed Australia last year. Flintoff, as captain, seems to take too much on himself, when he should be delegating to better effect.

This series was marked by England's inability to sustain pressure. So often when they'd gained the advantage, their focus seemed to wander and Sri Lanka were back in the game without having to do much. Huge improvements will be needed before Pakistan arrive next month.


It's a fair cop

TUES 6 JUNE

I got into a discussion yesterday about the Japanese attitude to authority. The not-very-surprising conclusion was reached that authority is submitted to with far greater readiness than many if not most other countries.

This was shown vividly in one of the major news stories to hit Japan this week. On Monday, Livedoor story grew ever bigger. An investment fund manager, Yoshiaki Murakami, was accused of insider trading in the attempted takeover by Livedoor of NBS. Police last week announced to the national media that they "would be ready to raid Murakami Fund's office and arrest Mr Murakami by next Monday". This might seem strange if, like me, you come from a country where the first you'd know of your impending arrest is when they break down your front door or slap the cuffs on. So did Mr Murakami take the few days' notice to shred documents, pack his bags and flee? Far from it. On Monday he appeared at a press conference where he announced (in a strangely jaunty performance) that he had done wrong, stating towards the end "Boku ga warui..." ("I am bad..."), before being led away.

No chases, no secrecy, no blankets on heads, no 'Not Guilty' pleas. Not a tremendous amount of work for the police to do in fact as the suspect, in an entirely apt metaphor, spilled his own guts.

By contrast, Takafumi Horie, the former 'maverick' head of Livedoor, already held by police for 3 months and now under house arrest in Tokyo, has caught the Tokyo District Prosecutors office unawares and made their job a little tricky by not actually admitting anything, and stating he'll be pleading 'not guilty', when they'd rather been banking on him fessing up by now. No date has been set for the trial yet as prosecutors are still scratching their heads.


666

6-6-6



Latest from Pyongyang

FRI 2 JUNE

It's estimated that about 40% of the population of North Korea smokes. But Dear Leader Li'l Kim doesn't. Any more. So rather unsurprisingly, the entire country is now subject to a massive anti-smoking campaign. Kim has referred to smokers as one of the "three main fools of the 21st century" along with those who are ignorant of music and computers. Well...

Kim's concern for the health of The People means that all prospective undergraduates must give up smoking as entry to university will now be barred to smokers. Besides, who wants to die of lung cancer when starving to death is apparently so fashionable?


The Chelsea Pensioners

THURS 1 JUNE

So Andriy Shevchenko has joined Chelsea. And why? "For the challenge," he says. What challenge is that then, Andriy? The challenge of joining a team that's just walked successive titles? If you want a challenge, then you join Fulham, or Charlton. Joining Chelsea is as 'challenging' as finding your arse with both hands.

And of course Propagandist-in-Chief Mourinho says "For him to leave Milan for Chelsea is a big statement about where Chelsea is." Indeed it is. Can you say Elephants' Graveyard, Joe? First Michael Ballack, out of contract in Germany, signs a 3 year contract with Chelsea enabling the 29-year-old to play out the twilight years of his career in extreme comfort for £7million a year. Now Sheva, also 29, signs a 4 year contract and... do sing along if you know the words. And of course there are the rumours that Mr Abramovich has already offered Real Madrid left-back Roberto Carlos (aged 33) a three year contract at Stamford Bridge.

It's all a bit like doing your grocery shopping in Harrod's. If you really must burn your money and prance around with Harrod's shopping bags, fair enough. But don't then complain that mere mortals don't give you "the respect you deserve". Yeah, it's a tough job you have, Joe. I know I couldn't do it. Oh wait a minute...





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