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It happened in...

March



O-Hanami

WEDS 29 MARCH

The cherry trees are in full bloom around the city. The castle, in particular, is surrounded by pink-blossoming trees, under which groups of people are having their hanami parties, sitting together on blue tarps, with other tarps weighed down by stones, reserving spots for other groups coming later. This couple were having their wedding photos taken.

It's impossible to overstate the importance of the cherry blossom season to the Japanese. While some of course focus on the beautiful natural spectacle, others are more interested in the attendant partying than the blossoms, with this being the first outdoor occasion after being cooped up all winter. There is a phrase - "Hana yori dango" - which though it literally means 'sweet rice cakes rather than flowers', basically denotes the folks who are more intent on the hedonistic aspect of the occasion rather than any artistic appreciation. As soon as the flowers are in full blossom, expect to see some wonky walking at all times of the day.

Fear the mimikaki

WEDS 29 MARCH

A mimikaki, my friends, is an ancient samurai tool for dealing a stealthy, but gruesome end on one's foes. It may look like an innocent little stick with a scoop on the end. And people may tell you it's for removing ear wax. And you may see them in shops dressed up with cute characters and pink fluffy stuff, but make no mistake. These are thugs' tools. And my wife would dearly like to attack me with one.

"It's a tradition," she says. With a child's head in her lap, a mother will lovingly tend to their aural hygiene. Wives do the same for husbands too, she says. But given that I'm mildly phobic about sharp pointy sticks being jammed into my brain through my eardrum, somewhat reinforced by that unfortunate episode last year, I've fended off these attentions so far. But I sleep with one eye open.

"We've only got 10 men"

SAT 25 MARCH

As sung by 40,000 Liverpool fans to the Everton contingent while beating them 3-1 this afternoon. Those humourless Evertonians signally failed to sing a verse themselves when their Andy 'Been on the field for a whole 6 minutes' van der Meyde collected his red card. Spoilsports.

Places to be on a breezy day

SAT 25 MARCH

Izumi village, some way south-east of here, takes hours to get to as it's in a very mountainous part of central Kyushu. That fact alone would prevent most sane people from setting up home there, but let's not forget where we are. In olden times, in order to get the kids to school on time, the locals built rope bridges spanning the yawning gaps between mountain peaks, and they're still there today. The Umenoki-Todoro Park Suspension bridge is a fairly sturdy looking thing, but even partway across I lost the ability to control my knees and my brain rather cruelly reminded me how... uncomfortable a place this would be in the event of an earthquake. (We had one a couple of days ago.) We both retired to (relatively) sturdier ground. Just down the road is the Momiki suspension bridge. Far closer to the ground, this one, but very much of the wood-and-rope school of swaying-bridge-building, and therefore equally stomach-churning, though we at least made it across this one.

You can imagine the roads that get you to places like this. A few hours of driving along these single-lane roads with hundred-foot drops to the side makes one a little blasé to the dangers. There are safety barriers now and again, after all. But then a very plain-speaking sign will 'bring you back down to earth'.

KitKat latest

SAT 25 MARCH

Very nearly live, from the local convenience store, we bring you KitKat Baby!

As opposed to the KitKat 'Petit', , which is no more than inch long KitKats individually wrapped in "dainty bitesize chunks", these are small cubes of, shall we say, 'roughly hewn' KitKat (ahem) and a local man interviewed earlier this evening declared them to be "quite tasty". Back to the studio.

On my bookshelf

FRI 24 MARCH

I've been racing through books recently. Though it has to be said, this may have been prompted by my rather shying away from Lila: An Inquiry into Morals by Robert Pirsig, author of the seminal Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, a book I've had to read three times to understand. Lila is apparently even less penetrable than his earlier work, so I'm kind of putting it off until I feel up to it. Which isn't yet, as I have to admit to still feeling intimidated when I spy its spearmint green cover on the shelf.

So instead, I went off to the bookstore again and I found Watching the English by Kate Fox for just ¥1700. It's a sociological study of us English folk and I'd recommend it for its frequent gems of recognition. Then there was Going Postal (for a mere ¥1000, bargain-hunters) by the reliable and inimitable Terry Pratchett. Another winner from uncle Terry.

My current reading companion, though, is going to be with me for some time to come. It's a full 3 inches thick and 800 pages long, weighs as much as a newborn child and may well require the same investment of time. It's Birds without Wings by Louis de Bernieres, author of Captain Corelli's Mandolin, a book I loved right up until the penultimate chapter. I hope he doesn't similarly spoil the end of this one, because I'm unlikely to get there before Christmas, and having lived with the book so long, that would just ruin me.

Who's in charge of the water?

WEDS 22 MARCH

Today is the U.N.'s World Water Day, and a report by the World Development Movement (WDM) has condemned the British government's support for water privatisation in developing countries, where more than a billion people have no access to clean water. Peter Hardstaff of WDM stated that governments must take responsibility for getting water to their people, as "private companies only invest where they can make a profit, not where there is the greatest need."

Quite how Blair et al can defend water privatisation in the developing world when it has been such an unmitigated disaster at home is quite puzzling. In southern England, for example, the water company Thames Water is renowned for its drought orders and hosepipe bans, which it blames on a crumbling inherited supply infrastructure, when in fact the company has failed to invest decently in maintaining a system which instead loses many thousands of litres of fresh water every day. Britain is island surrounded by water - why did central government not insist, then or since, on investment in de-salination as a stipulation of private ownership?

Asking the Blair government to take the lead in providing water to the developing world may be more than a little hopeful when it can't even guarantee to do the same at home. If the British privatisation boom of recent decades proved anything, it was that while some industries thrive in private hands, others simply are not set up to be run for a profit without delivering a substandard service.

The team that can't score

WEDS 22 MARCH

FA Cup, quarter-final: Birmingham 0 Liverpool 7
If Liverpool are going to pick up any silver this year, it's going to have to be the FA Cup, and they're into the semis after humiliating Birmingham at St Andrew's. And while fans and critics alike have been lamenting the lack of a truly top class striker, the goals have still come. Mind you, if Cisse and Morientes both get on the scoresheet, you know it was an easy game.

Normal service will now be resumed

TUES 21 MARCH

We now return to your regular non-baseball scheduled programming...

Japan beat Cuba to take WBC final

TUES 21 MARCH

World Baseball Classic final: Japan 10 Cuba 6
Japan beat Cuba 10-6 in WBC finalI really thought this was going to be a game too far for Japan, but 4 runs in the first inning and another 4 in the last means that they are the first baseball world champions. It was a great game which I watched in a downtown bar, where there were more foreigners than natives but it was still a really exciting atmosphere.

Reaction in Kumamoto to the win, I have to say, has been somewhat muted, maybe because this is the inaugural championship so it's not an established tournament yet, but I dare say the media frenzy is about to start. Quite what happens next and how Japan will defend its title, nobody yet knows, but I'd bet on it being bigger, though it could hardly be better, next time.

Lucky 7

SUN 19 MARCH

After Mexico did Japan a huge favour and beat USA, Japan went through to the semis for a third show-down with Korea (note to the organisers - might want to look at the draw system next time so teams don't end up playing each other in three consecutive rounds).

And the semi-final was as tight an affair as the previous two games, up until the 7th inning when Japan smashed five runs off the Korean pitching, and one in the next. And with the score at 6-0 there was a break for rain, but after the resumption, no further runs were added by either team and Japan will now meet Cuba in the final on Tuesday morning (our time). Which is handy, cos it's a national holiday here.

And special thanks go to broadcasters RKK who showed full coverage of the extended rain break, which amounted to replays of the runs, shots of rain, and commercials, and yet when play finally got re-started and with only one and half innings (ten minutes of play) left, decided to switch to a programme of highlights of some minor local golf tournament and show occasional updates on the baseball in a box in the top right of the screen. This startlingly inept bit of broadcasting ruined the occasion.

World Baseball Classic

FRI 17 MARCH

Being English, I obviously know a tremendous amount about baseball. And with this vast knowledge I've been enjoying the developments and international incidents of the World Baseball Classic, which, if you're shaking your bemused head, is the new self-styled World Cup of baseball (which should go some way to satisfying those who are so irritated by the U.S. naming a tournament the 'World Series' while failing to invite anyone else in the world at all).

With the later group stages being held in California, it's been a devil's job to catch the games, let alone work out what time they're being played, with advanced mathematicians being drafted in to work out the time differences. But yesterday lunchtime was Japan's last group game, and last chance to advance to the semi-finals. And it was against arch-rivals Korea. Who had already beaten them in the earlier group stages. And beaten everyone in fact (5 wins out of 5).

The pitching was tight as the game was still scoreless going into the 8th inning, but then Korea hit a 2-run homer and it was looking grim for Japan. I then ran down to the local bookshop, which had a huge video screen outside showing the game, to see how the rest of the game would play out.

There were only about a dozen people standing there when I arrived and took my place, but a group of people standing in the street staring up at something is sure to draw attention, and a bigger crowd, in Japan. Within minutes a good hundred folk had temporarily halted their shopping to see if Team Japan could rescue it. And they were well placed. The first batter hit a home run - 2-1. Shortly, there were 2 outs, a man on first base and the next batter knew that if he struck out, it was all over, but if he hit a homer it was two runs and 3-2 victory for Japan.

Just at that moment, a flash of lightning split the sky and a crack of thunder shook the roof of the arcade we were standing in. Was this a sign? It sure was. He swung. He missed. The crowd groaned. Everyone split up and went on their way.

There's still hope for Japan. There's one game left - USA v Mexico. Japan need Mexico to win in order to advance. Gambare Mekishiko!

Unvalentine's Day

TUES 14 MARCH

Or "White Day", as it's known in Japan. When Japan imported Valentine's Day some time in the 50s, it was re-shaped into something little resembling the original. Where Christmas has been marketed as a time for couples and for queueing outside the local KFC (you must eat KFC at Christmas), Valentine's Day is aimed ruthlessly at ladies who are obliged to buy gifts, usually chocolate, for pretty much every man they know. For women working in large offices, it can be a difficult and, needless to say, expensive time.

But a month later is Valentine's Day's dancing partner - White Day (which was also introduced into modern Japanese culture by a large confectionery corporation, but a decade later). On March 14, the fellas must reciprocate, so the ready-wrapped boxes of chocolate are rolled out in the department stores once more and we all go round again.

And if you're thinking that western culture needs a counterpart to Valentine's Day, you may be surprised to hear that it already has one. (Link maybe NSFW. Mind you, it's only text so you're just as likely to be sacked for reading my site as for that one.)

Doesn't smell like Teen Spirit

TUES 14 MARCH

There have been times since I first met Mrs C when I've just had to stand back and watch her. Not because of dewy-eyed romance, but with eyebrow-arched bemusement as I wonder "What on earth is she doing?"

Mrs C has developed a strange fixation with the fabric conditioner a friend uses. So we bought some. And over the last 24 hours, she's taken it on herself to wash everything in the house that's washable. Even the cat isn't staying still for too long.

Now the whole house and everything we own smells of 'a Fresh Breeze', which if you're wondering is a bit like that 70s favourite 'Cloyingly sweet generic fruit flavour E521'.

So now I leave home smelling like a fruit cocktail. Which is marginally better than B.O., but as every right-thinking Englishman knows, only marginally.

Making yer mind up

TUES 14 MARCH

I've mentioned before the fascination the Japanese have for the passing of the seasons, and their insistence that this passing is as precise and predictable as clockwork, and the change dramatic.

But they've built a fair margin of error into this too. Setsubun (February 3rd) is held to mark the end of winter, while Vernal Equinox Day (a national holiday - now there's a touch) isn't until the March 21st. So despite the belief in a defined and certain changeover, what we have in fact is an enormous seven-week limbo period (which it would probably be considered bad form to mention).

Last week it got up into the low 20s. Today I was snowed on as made my way to work and the surrounding mountains are pure white.

Regular and predictable, my bum.

Ordinary people living ordinary lives

TUES 14 MARCH

There was a lovely story on BBC news yesterday entitled "Japanese princess gets Disneyland taste of everyday life". Yes, where better to experience normality than at Disneyland...

The article went on to say that Princess Aiko was taken to Tokyo Disneyland by her parents Princess Masako and Crown Prince Naruhito "in a bid to give her the same experiences as other children of her generation", according to a spokesperson from the Imperial Household Agency. Like being hollered at by screaming crowds amid thousands of flashbulbs, and being trailed by 1,000 plain clothes police officers. Aaah, so similar to my own childhood, it brings a nostalgic tear to the eye.

Aiko, though, is still a normal little kid, displaying all the fear and reticence that I think are normal when confronted by 6' costumed rats. The whole expedition into the lives of those ordinary folk must have been truly bewildering for a little girl usually locked away from this kind of thing.

Extreme fire escape

SUN 12 MARCH

Find the door and then explain to me why it's there.

KitKat latest

SUN 12 MARCH

Le Patissier Takagi has lent his name to another limited edition KitKat, this time the French Bretagne Milk KitKat. Which sounds terribly exciting and looks the part, until you realise it's actually just a... white one dressed up flash. And that's about it really. Alright if you like white 'chocolate', but who does...

Oi! Nestlé Japan! Is this what passes for imagination in your Ideas Department? Put some gold on the box, called it 'furren' and chuck all yer surplus white KitKats in the boxes? Where's my plain chocolate MintKat, eh? Where did those Lemon Cheesecake ones go? This was a cheap shot, and I hope you're all ashamed of yourselves. I demand a televised apology. With bowing and tears.

Ouch

SAT 11 MARCH

A joke, Property of a Lady.

Did you hear about the fella who had to take his new car back to the dealer to get the SatNav fixed? It kept insisting that Liverpool was in Europe.

*wince*

No need for sympathy, folks. I can take it.

Out of Europe

THURS 9 MARCH

Champions League: Liverpool 0 Benfica 2 (0-3)

Oh dear. Well, I can safely cancel my subscription to the Champions League channel. What a disappointment.

Translating English into English

THURS 9 MARCH

My boss hands me a note which purports to be a recipe for ichigo daifuku (ricecakes with strawberries). She wants me to check that the translation into English sounds alright.

Knowing that it's from Yahoo Translations, I knew this was unlikely and prepared myself for all sorts of brain-ache, but two steps of the recipe in particular caught my eye...
I wave dogtooth violet starch on a stand and divide 2 cloth in half and I open it peacefully and cool it...

I'm delicious even if I put ice cream and chocolate in substitution for a strawberry with the same point. I keep a completed thing with a freezer.
I tell her it might need some more work.

Celebrity in "Not Gay!" shocker

TUES 7 MARCH

The morning programmes have been all over this one. Masaki Sumitani, better known for playing the character Hard Gay, is dating... a girl! The girl in question is Anna Suzuki, bikini model and member of the Minisuka Poris ("The Miniskirt Police" - a group of buxom, leather miniskirted 'police officers' - I'm not making this up). She and Sumitani are apparently an item, leading some tv commentators to throw the word 'scandal' around in a rather melodramatic manner, and conclude, in rather excited tones, that "Hard Gay is Not Gay!" Except of course we knew that, didn't we. Didn't we? We do know the difference between actors and characters, don't we, people? In an interview in Kobe yesterday, with reporters hounding him to say if he and Suzuki were dating, HG had to point out to the ensemble, "Not me. That's Sumitani-kun."

2 years already?

SUN 5 MARCH

On the one hand it seems ridiculous that our wedding was only 2 years ago today, but on the other hand, life seems to have always been like this, so it's hard to quantify time, which flies when you're having fun.

3 decades of conditioning pushed aside

SAT 4 MARCH

Out with some friends tonight, I decided to try basashi again. Maybe last time we just didn't spend enough money, because we went for the top stuff this time and, dipped in soy and ginger, I have to say, it was melt-in-the-mouth delicious. Though I still don't go much on the cooked stuff, which was like shoe leather, I think I'll be trying the sashimi again.

Predicting the future

FRI 3 MARCH

BEFORE
Me to Mrs C: Are you sure you want to watch "World's Scariest Ghosts and Poltergeists and other unexplained but equally scary phenomena CAUGHT ON FILM!" just before you go to bed? (cos I certainly don't)
Mrs C to me: I don't get freaked out by this sort of thing.
Me to myself: Hmmm... sceptical.

AFTER
Mrs C to me: Can you come with me to the bathroom? [a journey of some 4 feet from the living room]

Road rage, Kyushu-style

FRI 3 MARCH

I've now witnessed every form of madness that the local drivers have to offer.

I was driving along the dual carriageway up from our house, we're all doing about 60 and a motorbike zips past. A while later, about 50 yards up the road, I notice the bike cutting in and out of traffic before trying to overtake a car transporter laden with cars, only the driver of the transporter's not having it. He swings sharply across both lanes, almost hitting the cyclist who brakes just in time.

Now at this point you could say that it was just careless driving by both of them and nothing more. Except the cyclist then tried the same manoeuvre but up the inside. Same result. When he tries a third time, up the inside again, the transporter's lost a bit of speed and he nips past, and as the transporter driver swings at him again, he misses clipping the back wheel of the bike by inches...

The bike then stops in front of the transporter, in the middle of the dual carriageway, marches round to the driver's door, gloves off, driver jumps out. As they square up to each other, I overtake them, and there's a 'frank exchange of views' but still nobody's punched anyone. I wish I could've stayed and watched.

Welcome to the roads of Kyushu. Please don't feed the locals.

Just around the corner

FRI 3 MARCH

It's back down to around freezing at night, and it's just started snowing in the mountains again, but spring is definitely on the way. The days are getting warmer and the plum trees are beginning to blossom. I was passing an orchard this morning, and as I passed a row of plum trees, the scent was wonderful. All of this of course means that the excitement and debauchery of cherry blossom isn't far off.



Back to February?