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It happened in...

October



31 October

Imagine a shop that lets you browse at your leisure, but as soon as you ask for an item on display, you're told "Ah, we don't have any of those. But here, we have something less convenient, that you don't really want, and at only twice the price!"

Imagine a shop that makes a prominent display of bargain prices, but if you want to shop at a popular time, let's say the weekend (when the shop is guaranteed to be full and to clear the shelves), prices increase by several hundred percent by the time you reach the till.

Imagine a shop that phones you a fortnight after you shopped there, and informs you that they've decided to raise the price of the item you bought two weeks ago, and if you don't stump up the difference, they'll come round and stop it from working.

You find it difficult to imagine a business surviving with such shady practices, don't you. Such a thing couldn't possibly exist, you think. Well, go through the above examples again, but with airlines in mind this time, and you'll see that this shop most certainly exists.

Funny how the bargain prices stay on display long after they're fully booked. Funny how when there's a captive audience, prices go through the roof. Not very funny how an airline demands you foot their fuel bill a full fortnight after you've paid for your ticket, otherwise it'll be rendered void and you won't get on the plane.

But what are you gonna do instead? Walk?

30 October

Woe, woe, and thrice woe! Poor Overoften has been confined to his sickbed but is back on form now. Just as well too, as there was the Open House kids' Halloween party on Saturday, where little imps and demons did wreak havoc until they found the sandwiches and the pizza and then things quietened down considerably.

And the festivities continued in the evening as Mrs C celebrated her birthday. Would you look at that cake...

27 October

Stop Press: When I showed Mrs C yesterday's link, she murmered, "Kawaiiii!" ("Cu-ute!") so I evicted her to the garden.

A bit harsh on her birthday, you might think, but if you don't train 'em early, they never learn.

26 October

To be filed under 'O' for 'Oh my god this retarded stuff could only happen in Japan', and coming so soon after the atrocity that was 'Dogs in Clothes: Pretending my mental illness is harmless fun' (cf. 18th inst.), Overoften is more than a little ashamed to bring you some more hideously expensive ways of displaying your complete lack of taste.

After seeing a disturbing item on BBC News 24, I hit the internet to see if it was a horrible prank. But alas, no.

Hankyu Daichi Hotels are offering the Hankyu Princesskitty Wedding. That's Hello Kitty, to you and me. Yes, quite.

'Offering' is perhaps entirely the wrong word, seeing as the theme alone starts your wedding at about 2 million yen (that's 10 large, British folks), but for that you get (Hello) Kitty and her boyfriend (Dear) Daniel as lifesize witnesses, oh yes, a Hello Kitty glass slipper to hold the rings, some dolls and a load of other crap to take home with you. Not to mention a photograph album to look back on and be proud of. Anyway, I'm really sorry but here's a link.

Finally, let us take a second to think about one thing. Disregarding for a moment the bride's criminal part in this, the question begs - What kind of appalling excuse for a man agrees to participate in this? Keep your eyes open for the Hello Kitty Quickie Divorce Kit - at all tacky giftshops near you - soon!

23 October

If you head west out of Kumamoto city centre, you eventually get to the port, where you can catch a ferry to Shimabara in Nagasaki prefecture. Most people go on to Nagasaki city, but there's plenty to explore in and around Shimabara itself.

The Shimabara peninsula is dominated by Mt. Unzen, an enormous volcano that formed the 'island' itself. Hidden among the many peaks is the resort town of Unzen, with its grand hotels and onsen (hot springs). All around here, clouds of sulphurous steam rise from every crack in the earth, colouring some of it yellow, and filling the air with the smell of boiled eggs. It's called the Unzen jigoku (Hell), with its hot, barren landscape, and its pools of boiling water and mud (where, in antiquity, Christians were executed. Mmm.)

By taking a fortuitous wrong turn, we headed south and found ourselves, eventually, on a small boat heading out into the bay to look for dolphins. Which we found, and which followed us, by the dozen. For an hour they surfaced all around our boat, and left us grinning like fools.

In the town of Shimabara itself, there's a carp stream which runs from one side of the city to the other, full of multicoloured koi. The stream runs along a quiet back street (where we also found a lovely garden, so popped in to have a little nosey) and here we found a jinmengyo (jin=human, men=face, gyo=fish... got it? Take a look.) We also go in search of a 'statue of Nirvana' in a nearby graveyard, and find a barefoot buddha reclining under a tree.

But as dusk approaches, it's time for us to board our ferry and head back to Kumamoto, after a mere 24 hours that feels like a holiday.

20 October

So there I was, on the top deck of the bus, making capuccino for John Peel and Billy Dee Williams. And then Williams goes and ruins it by putting the bacon in the coffee. "Why on earth would you put bacon in the coffee??" Mrs C scolded him, but the grinning buffoon just went ahead and put bacon in mine too.

So when I woke up I was quite confused. And quite ready for breakfast.

19 October

Uh-oh. Trouble at mill.

The mad Magic Roundabout that is east Asian international relations took another spin this week, as China and South Korea boiled and frothed about PM Koizumi's annual visit to the Yasukuni shrine. (To clarify, this is where thousands of Japan's war dead are enshrined [nb. not buried], including 14 convicted war criminals. Asian neighbours therefore claim that for the PM to pay a visit amounts to honouring the barbaric acts carried out in colonised countries during WWII.)

This of course happens every year. And in 'retaliation', China has cancelled an invitation to the Japanese foreign minister, claiming that they "are unable to receive him at present", while South Korean President Roh has cancelled a visit to Japan, saying it wouldn't be possible "in the present atmosphere". And Koizumi of course has claimed that he went not as a government representative, but as a private individual. Though it should be noted, he did make use of the prime ministerial limousine and 30-strong bodyguard to do it. I wonder if all 'private individuals' could do the same...

So now we have another round of recrimination and defence. The People's Democratically-elected Freedom-loving Republic of China will issue loud complaints about what Japan's PM may or may not do in his own country (although let's remind ourselves that when foreign powers issue complaints to China, for example about their appalling Human Rights violations, these are met with a stern "That is an internal affair"). And Korea will pointedly sigh and murmur words like 'disappointment' and eat the Japanese flag.

And so the debate becomes fairly circular, with no hope of a resolution. So what's the point? Well, Koizumi is well aware of the international repercussions of his actions, and these are not 'unfortunate'. It's just another move in the scramble to be top of the east Asian pile. Again. And again.

Some say Koizumi is playing a dangerous game. Others say that Japan owes its neighbours nothing in relation to the second world war, particularly as full reparations were made and agreed by treaty after the war, and 18 statements of apology have now been issued by various Japanese Prime Ministers. Many also question China's right to complaint, claiming that the Chinese economic boom is largely being bank-rolled by Japan, and wondering why Japan is still paying Overseas Development Aid to a country with a thriving space exploration programme.

Certainly there are questions to be asked, but that's not the game we're playing at the moment. One suspects that an outside third party is needed to come in break up the squabble.

18 October!

In my line of business, you tend to meet a lot of pushy doting mothers. The kind who are evangelical about their child's genius and saintliness, and therefore indulge their every whim. There is even a term for it - oya baka (idiot parent).

Let's be brave and take that a stage further. It's not unknown (is it) for dog owners to lavish the same money affection on their beloved hounds, and in Japan, small bite-size lapdogs may as well be sold in accessory shops alongside the handbags and jewellery.

With this in mind, I now issue a warning to anyone claiming even a semblance of normality, for you will be horrified at what your disbelieving eyes are about to be accosted by.

Exhibit A is evidently cowboy chic, while exhibit B can only be described as an exercise in humiliation. At some stage, of course, your lapdog might grow. Or get fat. And that means only one thing. He or she becomes too heavy to carry. Dou shiyou? ("What to do?") The answer is as simple as the owner.

Finally, for all those times when a dog needs to be dressed up as an insect (yes, all those times), we have our final terrifying, glimpse into the mind of the deranged. This is what a dachshund looks like when he's wishing hateful things on his owner.

The perpetrators of these anti-canine hate crimes even advertise, would you believe.

16 October - Quest for the Fragrant Olive

...which is, as you'll recall from last year, the plant that gives off a heady aroma of hypothetical peach and orange Opal Fruits. And according to the local tourist literature, there's a 700-year-old Orange Osmanthus down near Mifune town. It stands an impressive 18 metres high, by all accounts.

So with Herbert navigating and me driving, we set off in search. After a somewhat circuitous route, which included many extra scenic miles and optional turns, we eventually found the alleged site of said tree. Impossible to miss, you'd think. You'd think. Alas, despite the rest of Kyushu's fragrant olives being in flower, this one was not, and we were therefore unable to identify it. And despite the tourist board's pamphlet's claim of its impressive stature, no tree of such size stood within a mile. So we trudged back down the hill, a little miffed, until we met a little old lady who told us an equally improbable sounding story about 3 monkeys that had been found in the town, though of course they normally lived at the top of the hill. These were the only details I could both understand and check with her. She was adamant. 3 monkeys.

And on we drove. When later we were driving through Misato town, we saw up on the hill a very grand looking building we took to be perhaps a golf club. The signs however said that it was a municipal government office, a town hall if you will. On closer inspection, this small town of a mere 5000 people proved to have a town hall crossed, in some bizarre architectural experiment (and of course a sizeable gift from central government), with Cinderella's castle (check out the balcony), set in many acres of its own land, with a new dedicated road running up to it like a grand driveway. I still haven't quite recovered my powers of speech.

14 October

As the old saying goes, "If at first you don't succeed, dissolve government, sack your enemies, hold a general election, and try again!"

Seems to have worked for Mr Koizumi, as today the Upper House passed his bill outlining the privatisation of Japan Post, so the biggest gamble of his political career has paid off. So the company which holds about 1.7 trillion quid (yes, really) will be broken up and, from 2007, sold off.

The PM is now believed to have his eyes on reforming the national health system which employs more managers and penpushers than medics (ring any bells?), and the state banks.

Whether this will continue to flower into the complete transformation of Japanese politics remains to be seen. But apathetic voters, jaded by the corruption and self-serving, can no longer hide behind the epithet "But nothing ever changes".

11 October

Next season should be a safer one for Formula 1, as it looks like it will be entirely free of Japanese 'drivers', now that Takuma 'Oops' Sato has been shown the door at BAR.

Many drivers and engineers alike will be breathing a sigh of relief to see the back of young Mr Sato, who has as much business being in an F1 car as Peter Crouch does in an England shirt. His only real contributions to the season were smashing Jarno Trulli off the track at Suzuka, after some weeks earlier famously taking out Michael Schumacher at the Belgian GP. Schumacher later claimed that Sato might benefit from therapy and has clearly been in England for long enough to master 'Das Understatement' when he stated matter-of-factly, "It's not the first time."

If only they'd known that the Japanese learn to drive in bumper cars, all this nastiness could've been avoided.

10 October

If he's not nominated for an Oscar, there's no justice in this hard world. Mr Deep Roy is all the Oompa-Loompas in Tim Burton's (superior) remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. His dance moves are something to behold, as are his rubber catsuits.

9 October

Laaazy Sunday afternoon, I got no mind to worry, close my eyes and drift away - cor blimey 'allo Mrs Matsui, how's your Kenji's lumbago? A week already? Time flies when you just get on with it, doesn't it?

Autumn has allegedly arrived, as of the first of the month, and according to guidelines, we should be enacting 'Warm Biz', which you may or may not recall. But bearing in mind it's still a lovely constant 28°, don't think I'll be burning up the fossil fuels just yet.

This week did bring some excitement though - a tv appearance, no less. The local tv station (KAB) decided to drop a reporter in to one of my lessons, as a student, for a short segment on a Saturday morning show. For a tv crew, they were surprisingly well behaved, and my expected stress levels never materialised and my escape plan went unenacted. All I have to do now is learn how to program the video.

1 October

As you can see, Yuna (she of the long eyelashes) is already sick of the paparazzi.