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It happened in...

October





KitKat latest: Kyushu has arrived!

MON 30 OCTOBER

This, my friends, is a veritable KitKat extravaganza. Our old chum, the patissier Takagi, has extended his 'Exotic' range, which already consisted of Exotic Hokkaido and Exotic Tokyo, to include Exotic Kansai and would you credit it Exotic Kyushu. These fancy editions are enough to make your bank manager hyperventilate, but they're meant as gifts in a country very big on regionality, food and gifts. So let's focus on the fancy-ness. How fancy? It only has its own personalised carrier bag. Of the two sizes on offer, this is the super-deluxe version. And in case you think there might be a danger of you scoffing them all at once, these are orange and mango Kats in a caramel-flavoured white chocolate. They're just as sweet as they sound, so pacing yourself isn't difficult.

Together with the rather odd Chocolatier series (the descriptions, that is - nothing wrong with the Kitkats) this Exotic range does seem to be a chance for Takagi-san's flavour selection to have a little run into the realm of the random. The two we haven't yet seen, the Hokkaido one was "Hokkaido cheese white chocolate coating, blueberry & passionfruit", and the Kansai one is "milk chocolate, lemon and passionfruit". Patissier Takagi says in the blurb that he's going for "harmony", but this all reminds me a little of student dinner, when all you had in the cupboard ("I've got beans, tuna and a cube of cheese...") got thrown together regardless of the 'harmony'.

I think I might be starting to appreciate the madness of Takagi's method, because I can't wait to see what's next.

Teaching the kids what they need to know

MON 30 OCTOBER

And isn't that a tricky one. Depends entirely on your perspective. What they need to know in order to be useful members of society? To be independent and analytical thinkers, broad-minded decision-makers, sensitive and considerate adults?

Or what they need to know in order to get a pass on the university entrance exam?

I've long been a critic of the inadequacies of a system geared so totally towards rote-learning of exam paper answers that pressure on kids to get into the 'right schools' trickles right down to the kindergartens. For example, what I, like most in my position, often deal with is the fruit of a system that requires university entrants to be able to pass the English module of an entrance exam that often doesn't even have an oral requirement. For many, English is a language you are required to learn, but not speak.

The flaws in the system were illuminated last week when it was revealed that
"At least 7,000 seniors in at least 66 high schools in 11 prefectures may not be able to graduate next March as their schools have not provided them with all compulsory subjects, such as world history, the prefectural education boards said Wednesday.
[...]
They reported to the education boards that they have focused on only some of the subjects required for the college entrance examinations, omitting others deemed unnecessary".
Unnecessary for the entrance exam, unnecessary for life! Ah, who needs world history anyway. To accuse these schools of not caring about giving their pupils a rounded education is one thing. To have them explicitly demonstrate it is quite another. Most of the schools concerned in this story were fee-paying private schools where presumably wealthier parents expected the kids to register attendance in enough classes to get them into a university with clout. And the schools did what the market paid them to do. It seems we've rather strayed from the responsibility of imparting knowledge to the cynical Pavlovian response to the opening of rich parents' wallets.

And I can accept that this is the way things are. What I can't accept is that there aren't more voices of protest. I know this is Japan and protest is unseemly, but with falling birth rates and a huge generation of baby boomers coming up for retirement from the tax-paying pool, Japan faces a tough future. And this is how they're preparing for it?

Prime Minister Abe has made a lot of noise about wanting to reform the education system, but he's been a bit vague on his intentions until now, going only so far as to issue banner labels like "Patriotic Education". If Abe is serious about reform, issues like this one have to be central to the plans, because it requires rebuilding the system from the ground up, and reshaping not just children's but also parents' expectations of what and how kids will learn.

If the government goes to all the effort, pain and expense of reform without tackling this problem, it will be the biggest wasted opportunity of modern times. Reform of a system dating back unchanged to 1947 is going to be traumatic. It better at the very least be worth it.

[edit] The figures of 7,000 students at 66 schools in 11 prefectures have now been revised to 70,000 students at 396 schools in 41 prefectures.

KitKat latest: KitKat Uncovered!

SAT 28 OCTOBER

It may not look like a KitKat, but that's because it's a KitKat with no clothes on!

Yes, it's a stripped down, 'glamour' version of everyone's favourite. Called Crispy Monogatari, it's "a KitKat disrobed of its chocolate!" And this is the Autumn chestnut-flavoured special.

Whatever. It's a nude KitKat!

Still full of surprises

SAT 28 OCTOBER

For her birthday, I bought my wife exactly what she asked for.

I'd led myself to believe she'd given me no hints or help whatsoever. But some while ago, she told me the tale of how when in the past this house was a girlie commune, they all used to stay up until dawn playing Super Mario on some ancient Nintendo.

This sounded somewhat unlikely at first, as Mrs C usually shows as much interest in computer games as I do in Japanese telly. There's a black box under the TV which I call a Playstation, and which she calls a DVD player. But recently, Nintendo have been advertising the new handheld DS, and the adverts usually comprise a young lady getting nerdishly into a game of Mario. After which Mrs C would sigh wistfully, and say "Aaaah, I'd like to play that again."

So with nothing else to go on, I made enquiries. I don't mind shopping if it involves going into electronics stores. And it's surprising how well I can get by in Japanese in such places - most of the vocabulary is English, which is nice. But Mario is a Nintendo boy. Buying new would mean one of two things. Option 1, console, buy a Wii. I'm sorry, no. I couldn't possibly. Not because of the expense. No, the name. Would you buy a Bentley Big-Jobs, even if it was cheap? Course you wouldn't. Option 2, handheld, a DS. When I informed the youth behind the counter that I would be purchasing one of his DSs, he actually laughed in my face. I knew my Japanese was OK (being as it was mainly English), so was looking for another reason to slap the smirk off him. He pointed me towards some signs that, after I'd digested them for the best part of half an hour (for they were in yer actual real Japanese), informed that if you wanted a DS you'd have to put your name down some 6 months previously, and leave a family member as a deposit. My luck therefore was not in.

But a man in a different shop recognised my plight and guided me towards their 'Vintage' section - a few shelves of second-hand but guaranteed gear. And there amid what looked to me like bric-a-brac, was a little grey thing called a Super Famicon. This was what the girls used to fuel their all-nighters with! And joy, there was our man Mario too.

Despite the adventure that this little episode had turned into, I still wasn't awfully sure about it all when I get home. But what a reception old Mario got.

My wife has shown me a side of her that I never knew existed. The nerd side. The computer game addict side. It's all rather gratifying, I have to say. She's very wary of appearing to be in the thrall of this machine, but when I found her this morning, filling "a spare 15 minutes before work" with a quick game, I knew she'd come over to the Dark Side.

Only thing is, I'm now very much in danger of becoming a Nintendo widower. So there's no alternative but to join in the Mario/Luigi action. But that opens up another door - she's waaaay better than I am. Can my fragile male game-playing ego take the relentless battering from a girlie who's nonchalant about stuff I don't even understand?

And for those readers thinking I'm going to use this for as much future ammunition as I can squeeze out of it, shame on you. Shame.

Has it come round again?

FRI 27 OCTOBER

It's Mrs C's birthday today! Now, it's no secret that she's flmnmnnm years younger than me, but this morning, in a particularly melodramatic turn of events, she threw herself to the floor (this was pre-coffee when all bets re. odd behaviour are off) and wailed "I'm old!"

It was then that I remembered the very wise words that an older gentleman once imparted to me when I voiced something similar. And those words have stayed with me ever since, and I vowed I would one day pass them on. So being the generous, sensitive husband that I am, I turned to her, sighed, and said "Oh do be quiet."

I couldn't face the idea of cooking the Full English that I'd promised for breakfast, so instead, I went back home at lunchtime, cooked it up, and brought it all to work in a plastic bag (classy fella, me).

This evening, she wishes to play the lottery of "Trying a restaurant we've not been to before", or as I like to call it "Driving endlessly and aimlessly around and around until it's far too late to eat". Fortunately I have a packet of biscuits for the journey.

Irony watch

FRI 27 OCTOBER

As you might know, the seas around these parts are dotted with protruding rocks. And the countries of the region like nothing better than to have endless quarrels with each other over who has greater claim to them. There are several levels to this. Firstly, no one actually seems interested in actually solving these arguments. Bring in an international mediator, present your case and reach a settlement, say I. Ah, but no. Because the quarrels themselves are actually quite useful political tools. Both China (with whom Japan quarrels over the Senkaku/Diaoyu islands) and South Korea (with whom Japan quarrels over the Liancourt rocks, known in Japanese as Takeshima, in Korean as Dokdo, and everywhere else as rocks) have found that the quarrel itself is a useful slight of hand tool, a good distraction from dodgy domestic affairs, but also a damn good stoker of nationalist fervour. Very handy.

But the quarrel itself isn't just about something as petty as a bunch of rocks. No, there's apparently rich fishing grounds around the rocks. And oil and gas under the rocks. So they say.

Aaanyway, a bunch of Chinese protesters set sail this week from Hong Kong for the Japanese-held Senkaku/Diaoyu islands "hoping to plant a Chinese flag and reclaim sovereignty over the islands." This has been their M.O. every year for the last ten years. Japanese Chief Cabinet Secretary Yasuhisa Shiozaki said that Japan will "definitely not allow the activist protest group to land on the islands".

The next day, Beijing issued a warning to Tokyo, telling them to "deal with the issue in an appropriate and responsible manner and not take any action that would result in injuries to the protesters".

Well. Beijing lecturing others on allowing protests. And not injuring protesters. Don't mention 'Democracy', fellas. I mentioned it once and thousands of my unarmed student colleagues were gunned down by the army on the orders of the government but I think I got away with it.

Incidentally, interesting development in the province of Jiangxi, in south-eastern China, this week as thousands of students marched in protest against the revelation that colleges have been issuing fake diplomas. But when the riot police went in, they probably did so with the order "not to take any action that would result in injuries to the protesters". You would imagine.

Also quite pointless but cool!

TUES 24 OCTOBER

A restaurant in Fukuoka has some special sushi on the menu that might interest those who are watching their weight, or who like to scream "Kawaiiiii!" a few dozen times every day.

Even for the rest of us, it would be worth visiting Omoroi Sushiya Kajiki (armed with the necessary protective ear-wear, of course, lest you wish your eardrums burst) just for the spectacle. Because chef Kajiki's latest creation is... single grain sushi. A tiny piece (about 1cm by 2cm) of fish on top of a single grain of rice. Mind you, you'll get 10 or 12 to a plate.

Wily Mr Kajiki says (to the Shukan Bunshun, as reported in the Mainichi) "I do it because the girls love it. I tell 'em I'm gonna give 'em a full serving of sushi and then bring out a plate of the single grain stuff. They laugh and then go on about how cute it looks. Some of 'em take photos of it with their mobile phones." Imagine the squealing, the nail-polished clapping, the waving keitai and the "Kawaiii!" that only dogs can hear (if only). Oh, the humanity... "More than anything, though," says the smooth Kajiki, "I do it because I like nothing more than seeing a woman's smiling face."

Pointless but cool

TUES 24 OCTOBER

Via J-Walk, a silly javascript trick for your browser.

Copy and paste the text below into the address bar of your browser and press enter.
(If you're not a habitual copier and paster -
1. Highlight the text below
2. Press Ctrl+C
3. Press Alt+D
4. Press Ctrl+V
5. Press Enter)
javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);
Press refresh when you've had enough. Should work in most browsers, and on any page with images.

A change is as good as a rest

MON 23 OCTOBER

Ah, the recuperative powers of a day out in the countryside.

We've not given ourselves much time to get out and about recently, so we got up nice and early and hit the road yesterday. And we ended up at the other end of Kyushu in Sendai (near Kagoshima). First port of call was the Sendai Sengoku Mura - first brought to my attention on Japundit last week as the entire 'village' is for sale... for a mere ¥980,000,000 (not including ¥49,000,000 tax), which is about £5,000,000.

Disappointingly it's not so much a village as a small museum spread out in a few tatty repro buildings in a walled compound. It has a rather sad air about it, like it's waiting for that new owner to come and rescue it. Even though we arrived late in the morning on a Sunday, the place was deserted, meaning we had the place to ourselves to wander around in peace, to take in the history of the 1877 Satsuma Rebellion. The few buildings contain some artefacts (mainly arms and armour), but the collection amounts to less than that of a small museum, and what there is is sitting under a layer of dust. The largest building contains a 'walking tour' made up of a series of displays of moments of the rebellion, consisting of eerie plastic mannequins in dusty moth-eaten costumes, with an off-putting booming commentary on automatic audio-tape with no accompanying reading material.

It did, however, give me some ideas for the classroom...

We left largely underwhelmed, and headed for the Nitta Shrine. Hey, it appeared on roadsigns, so we figured it must be something special. It lies atop a hill, at the top of a stone staircase the likes of which I hope I never see again. Here you can actually pray for road safety (which is more or less all you can do as a driver in Japan) so naturally I jumped at the chance, not wanting to pass up such a golden opportunity. It was also here that we both found out quite how unfit we are. This wasn't the intention, incidentally, just a side-effect. Fortunately you can drive most of the way to the top, but rather unfortunately if you take a nosey right around the shrine, it's quite possible to take the wrong route back down the hill (the clue was right there - I heard "It's definitely this way, I think" - and yet I missed it), meaning a calf-torturing re-ascent and descent to the correct car park. Our legs were still jelly when we parked up in Gusto (which does possibly the best berugii chocora (a 'Belgian' chocolate ganache cake) in the world) for lunch.

KitKat latest: live report

THURS 19 OCTOBER

You have to hand it to Patissier Takagi - he's the ultimate spin doctor. George Bush had Karl Rove. Nestle Japan has the slippery Takagi. While Rove is there to help hide the negative, Takagi's function is different, to disguise the humdrum behind a layer of ribbons, gold and verbiage.

Who can forget his early work "Le Patissier Takagi KitKat Noir". Leftover ends dipped in cocoa. Then there was the highly controversial "Le Patissier Takagi KitKat French Bretagne Milk". Turned out to be no more than a white chocolate KitKat.

Well, in an interesting development, I've just left the konbini with two of Japan's favourite snake-oil merchant's latest commissions. First there's this green one, billing itself as "ujimaccha, kinako, ume". Ujimaccha (green tea), fine. But kinako and ume I'm not too happy about. Kinako is soybean flour. It's brown and often covers soft mochi (ricecakes). Some people consider this acceptable. Ume (plum) I wouldn't be too worried about except I've suffered at the hands of umeboshi (sour pickled plums) which makes me a little wary.

Second is this pink one - "strawberry, pistachio, almond, thyme". Hmm, colour me sceptical, but we're going to be able to taste two different types of nuts AND thyme?

[cut to living room]

Right. The panel has convened. The green one's green tea. The pink one's strawberry. All very nice for that, but as usual, all the extra claims are mere decoration.

Takagi-san, seeing as you so approve of using twenty words when one will do, let me offer you some "facial percussion by means of high-speed manual collision". It'll be a treat. I promise.

Journeys with VAAM: pt 2

THURS 19 OCTOBER

When you're in the grips of 'post-lunch dip', do you give in and have a nap? Make some strong coffee? Reach for the crack pipe?

Well of course you could always pour yourself a glass of vespa amino acid mixture, and see if that has the desired effect. (Whatever your desired effect might be.) Yes, VAAM's back!

In the name of experimenting with slightly scary-sounding comestibles so you don't have to, I bring you the second in the highly-acclaimed series - VAAM, the energy drink.

Let's be clear. This is not VAAM water. This tiny can contains a whole "3000mg of vespa amino acids". That's 3g of actual hornet psycho-juice.

And with a kids' lesson on the horizon and my eyelids feeling heavy and sandy, I decided the time was right. The first sip was a nervous one, but the expected burning or blistering sensation didn't materialise. The face-twisting, too-sweet-too-sour, Red-Bull-ness, also absent. It was... pleasant.

So I awaited the sugar- and caffeine-induced heart palpitations, blurred vision and headache. None of which I got. No, all I got was to feel awake and on the ball.

Pffft. They really need to give this stuff a less dramatic name.

A little something else seasonal

WEDS 18 OCTOBER

Thinking back one year, now. My route to work, typically, meant getting on the bus, invariably falling fast asleep and waking in a haze in the city centre nearly an hour later, and jumping hurriedly off the bus amid the diesel fumes and the noise and trudging off to work, trying to clear my head as I went.

This morning, we left the house together and walked down to the lane to the school. This little lane is lined with kinmokusei, or Orange Osmanthus trees, all of which have come into flower this week. All around, the neighbourhood has the subtle perfume of orange and peach.

I'm sitting at my desk with the window open, and there's a gentle breeze. And because the neighbour also has a kinmokusei, the fragrance is carrying throughout the school and the shop.

Who'd want to live in the city?

A little something seasonal

WEDS 18 OCTOBER

Much is made of the Japanese cultural desire to mark the changing of the seasons. This is not, however, strictly true.

The Japanese don't much welcome the onset of winter, when it's quite possible to freeze to death on your own sofa in an unheated, uninsulated house. Though this is probably the very reason that spring is heralded with such enthusiasm. Similarly, summer is not celebrated with any great gusto, being a time when it's possible to boil the brain in your skull if you step outside for more than a few minutes. Hence the sighs of relief and the return to the Great Outdoors when autumn comes. And autumn is marked in a number of ways that are dear to the Japanese heart.

Did I say heart? I meant stomach. The transition from the stultifying heat and humidity of summer to the far more comfortable autumn is celebrated, as is so often the case, by means of food. And yesterday, I got a taste of autumn, namely matsutake, or the pine mushroom.

Autumn's hereThese highly prized fellas grow around east Asia, in Canada and the USA and parts of northern Europe. These are rare, wild mushrooms - attempts to farm them have always failed. Experts say that they apparently only grow around the roots of the Japanese red pine, and even then only trees between 20 and 60 years old. Once picked, they say, it will be years before they grow in the same place again. Such trees in Japan, however, have been blighted in recent years by a parasitic nematode worm, meaning fewer trees and fewer mushrooms. Japanese pickers gather less than 1000 tons each autumn, with imports making up the rest of the demand.

So these brown mushrooms enjoy almost mythical, mystical status here. And the scarcity has only driven the myth, and the prices skywards. Here it's not unusual for a small box of fresh matsutake to be given as a very expensive (often corporate) gift. Prices have been seen as high as ¥250,000 per kilo, for high quality local produce.

So it's probably fair to assume I was eating tiny slivers of imported mushroom last night. I have to say it was very tasty. But that's in comparison to what's usually available in the supermarket. There are many different mushrooms on sale but I find many of them quite tasteless. Japanese recipes also have a rather unfortunate tendency to call for boiling mushrooms (they tend to turn up most often in soups and nabe) which doesn't do much for a flavourful one. So this matsutake tasted of woodlands (he said, trying not to sound too Jilly Goulden), it was rich and meaty, neither too soft nor too chewy. It was the best mushroom I've tasted in a while.

I can see why people look forward to them so much. I don't know if I would ever be in the market for the buyin', but I'm very much ready for the gift-acceptin'.

KitKat latest

SUN 15 OCTOBER

Nothing says Halloween like mid-October. And those wily trick-or-treatsters at Nestlé have joined every other company in Japan by rolling out a Halloween special, KitKat Pumpkin.

Neither the time nor the place!

THURS 12 OCTOBER

Most of us are blessed with an ability to know what behaviour is appropriate in any given social situation. But an astonishing number of folks are not. What's also surprising is that this normally debilitating handicap is apparently no barrier to attaining high office.

Though I'm sure it's not necessary, I'll set the scene. Japanese/Korean diplomatic relations at a low, new Japanese PM goes to Seoul to shake hands and try to rebuild the relationship. Moments before he arrives the Korean cousins in the North let off a nuclear bomb.

Time to put pettiness aside, you'd think. Suppress your own agenda for a moment and band together, you'd reckon. An ideal situation, adversity, in which to re-build bridges.

So when PM Abe arrived for talks in Seoul, South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun didn't address a new era in Korean/Japanese relations. He didn't express his concerns over the very serious situation developing north of his border. No, no. While Pyongyang's going nuclear (and also has plenty of conventional weaponry pointing right at his capital), instead of that, he reckoned it would be a far better idea to sit Abe down and harangue him for 40 minutes about Japanese conduct during the second World War.

By the time Roh had got on to his other pet subject, Yasukuni Shrine, the Foreign Minister (and soon to be U.N. Sec. Gen.) Ban Ki-moon decided this was all a little awkward and slipped him a note suggesting he might actually get down to the business of the meeting, namely discussing a joint South Korea/Japan statement condemning North Korea's nuclear test (remember?).

Anyway, Roh didn't fancy this, and only later consented to the idea of a joint statement that condemned North Korea AND made mention of what terrible things Japan did to Korea during the war. For some reason or other, Abe didn't fancy signing up to that.

But it's not just the Korean peninsula that's home to loons who lack perspective. Former Australian PM Paul Keating (that filthy bounder who actually touched Her Majesty) also has problems seeing the 'big picture'. The most worrying aspect to this week's news is not that a rogue state has WMD and is holding the world to ransom. No, the most worrying aspect, according to Mr Keating...
... is that Japan may use the impasse of North Korea and this testing of its nuclear weapons to move into nuclear weapons itself, eschewing the nuclear protection provided to it by the United States under its umbrella. Such an outcome would be affronting and confronting to the Chinese, encouraging them to adopt an altogether different posture in respect of Japan.
Wait. So the problem here is Japan upsetting China?

Australian media reports that "Mr Keating is known to derive considerable income from his business interests in China. Labor sources said yesterday he had a consultancy providing advice to companies in China. He had also been involved in an insurance broking deal in China."

So it appears that his agenda is to use the North Korean nuclear crisis to make fawning advances at his paymasters in Beijing (a government he described as "the most competent in the world"). What a classy fella.

Mr Keating obviously doesn't get to see many newspapers, as despite the breakthrough meeting of PM Abe with China's President Hu last weekend, Keating said that the "growing antipathy between China in its relations with Japan [is the] really dark note on the horizon".

Fortunately it appears that some people are rather more forward-looking than both Mr Roh and Mr Keating.

I swear I'm not making this up

WEDS 11 OCTOBER

So ronery
"The field of scientific research in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, Juche 95 (2006) at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation.

The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the Korean People's Army and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defence capability."

One of the above, the press release or the photo, is a parody. Which one is it? You decide.

NorKs fire one off

TUES 10 OCTOBER

Today's headlines... East Asian politics is seldom dull.

There will be countless column inches dedicated to analysis of 'why' and 'what this means for the future', and a great deal of it will be guff, with a fair bit of the rest of it being conjecture. No one really knows why, and no one yet knows the full implications.

It just strikes me as incredible that a country as unstable as North Korea has been allowed by the international community to go so far in its nuclear weapons programme. A country in which millions have starved to death in a famine down entirely to economic mismanagement. A country that threatens allies and foes alike unless and until it gets what it wants. A country which for some time has been threatening to do exactly this, and has for once kept its word.

Perhaps now those that see themselves as the global police force will see that the way to deal with a rogue nation is to get close to it, not to leave it to its own devices, a policy which is now being shown up to be dangerously boneheaded. He's had the technology for years, he's had the desire and the motivation for years, so shouting epithets and refusing to engage with him is politics at its most dangerously naive. Whether there is moral high ground or not, it's a bit late and bit pointless to be claiming it now.

Various nations, after the NorKs test-launched missiles recently, promised "stern measures" in retaliation. Well, now that he's upped the ante considerably, what are you going to do now? Promise "even sterner measures"? Or has he called your bluff? Have you run out of options?

It will have to be done diplomatically. It can't be done militarily - the larger players in the area wouldn't stand for it. Neither China nor South Korea would even want an end to the regime, as it would mean millions of refugees for each to deal with. Besides, regime-changing invasions haven't been marked by any great measure of success recently. And sanctions have been proven not to work. They serve only to hurt an already starving populace, and do nothing to the leadership. But let's look at the proposed sanctions for a moment.
* Halting trade in material that could be used to make weapons of mass destruction
* Inspections of cargo going in and out of North Korea
* The ending of financial transactions used to support nuclear proliferation
* A ban on the import of luxury goods
You mean we're not doing all this already?! I particularly like the one about luxury goods. A couple of months without Mercs, cognac and soft loo paper should bring them out screaming.

That only leaves dialogue. Which certain players refuse to engage in. So it's time for a change of policy. Question is, who's willing?

The Last Matsuri

TUES 10 OCTOBER

It's known by many names. It used to be the Boshita Matsuri, it was and is the biggest festival in Kumamoto, and marks the end of the summer, and the festival season. But much more than that, it celebrated the homecoming, some 400-odd years ago, of the troops under the command of Kato Kiyomasa who had just triumphed over Korea. They marched back home, with their various 'trophies' of war and paid their respects at the Fujisaki shrine, a Shinto shrine to Hachiman, the god of war.

The festival (usually in September but fell victim to a typhoon this year) is nowadays more often known as the Fujisaki Hachimangu Matsuri, with the emphasis on the war celebration somewhat lessened. To others it's simply the Drunken Horse Festival. Legend has it that the horses paraded through the streets were force-fed booze, and were as 'skittish' as the festival-goers themselves. While I saw horses drinking yesterday, it was only from the many water-hoses along the parade route.

At an ungodly hour of the morning, then, between 60 and 70 teams of revellers, each team with up to 100 members and 1 horse, leave the Fujisaki shrine in the city, amid drumming, hollering, dancing and the first drink of the day. They march through the city and around lunchtime take a break. Then mid-afternoon the return leg begins after suitable rest or refreshment. The last team returns 'home' to the shrine late in the evening, long after dark.

The main parade (the noisy, 'high-spirited' one) is preceded by the more sombre part. The 'troops' and their attendants lead a slow and calculated march, along with ornate portable offertory shrines - the troops in battle gear...




...and the attendants carrying poles topped by what look suspiciously like scalps.




These chaps appeared to have taken on board plenty of fuel...




...while these ones probably hadn't.




Some of the streets were narrow, and getting a spot with a good view was paramount.




Into the final stretch now, down the road to the shrine...




...lined both sides with fair-stalls.




And summoning up a final burst of energy, this team has made it home.



Email and alcohol don't mix

SUN 8 OCTOBER

There are any number of reasons why this is true. Firstly, I'm almost certain that when I saw, through the stabbing pains of a hangover, that my entire hotmail inbox had been cleared out, that I was probably in some way to blame for it myself. Though I can't be certain.

Secondly, there are those messages you discover that are marked "Read", arrived weeks ago, and yet you know you've never seen them.

Then there is of course the danger of the nonsense that you might somewhat unwisely be tempted to send, which with a more sober moment's reflection you might perhaps not. This is even more important when applied to text messaging. I gather.

But lastly, my inbox is becoming so extraordinarily twisted that I feel dizzy and not a little bilious when tackling it sober. Take this morning, for instance. The first item up for consideration was entitled "Your position is Jan Smite. We'll be sucked dry with incredible hazy".

Goodness, I thought. These people need my help. And they were not alone. The next punter cried "President 'a sick man'" and "Can't find a good drugstore". Well, let's not be hasty now... This problem might call for immediate procrastination.

Another pleaded with me, "Lance is tomomo templates Category Table?" I'm sorry, I just don't know, these questions are too hard!

The next correspondent claimed "We won't buy him!" before going on to explain with, I felt, a bit of a nudge and a wink, "hundred thousand? Very rebellious week of midnight you used to the hundred ultimate." I didn't. It wasn't me. You can't prove anything.

With sense obviously at a premium, the last item read "Yourself. And mind that that's illegal by the opening story I your project. The stranger said, the proper man whose body, seemed to." Listen, people. You've got to start making sense. I can't help you if just trying to fathom out what you're talking about makes me nauseous and makes my eyes sore.

Some people. Honestly.

Heaven save us from alleged experts

SUN 8 OCTOBER

A professor at Kyoto Sangyo University, and "expert in imperial issues", this week voiced his concern that baby Prince Hisahito may have to wait 50 years or more to become Crown Prince, and therefore be ill-prepared for the rigorous demands of being emperor when eventually it's his turn.

In a speech to the Foreign Correspondents Club of Japan in Tokyo, Isao Tokoro, obviously writing off any possibility that Crown Prince Naruhito and Crown Princess Masako may yet have more children, made it clear that the impediment to Hisahito's development is the inconvenient fact that his own father, Prince Akishino, precedes him in the queue to the Chrysanthemum throne.

So what he's suggesting, and bear with me now for this is no word of a lie, is that they elbow Akishino out of it and have Hisahito adopted by Naruhito and Masako.

Now, quite apart from what you're thinking, this rather assumes that in the meantime there will be no revision of the law to allow female succession, in which Princess Aiko would become Empress. Despite those in power being resolutely against the notion, a recent public poll showed that a huge 72% of folks supported the idea. But then the Imperial Household Agency matches only the upper levels of government for its hidebound old fartiness.

It's also a huge insult to Naruhito and Masako ("You only had one job, to produce a male heir, and you couldn't even do that..."). Heaven only knows what effect this would have on Masako, who has already more or less retired from public life due to frequent bouts of 'nervous exhaustion'. And it probably wouldn't do much for the allegedly shaky fraternal relationship of the two princes.

"How will Prince Hisahito be able to eventually fulfill his role as emperor," Tokoro said, "if he has to wait such a long time to become crown prince?" Well, I dare say he'll be a grown man by then, and will have mastered dressing himself, waving from the window of slow-moving cars and reading ponderously from an autocue. Everything else can probably be explained to him while someone's doing his hair.

Just as most of the audience listening to his speech were probably beginning to glance at each other with raised eyebrows, Tokoro went on to say "that the Imperial House Law needs to be revised to allow females and their descendants to succeed to the throne to avoid a succession crisis"... Hang on. If that's what you think, then what was all that about just now?!

Imagine...

SAT 7 OCTOBER

...if everyone's website was like Jonathan Yuen's.

Pop will eat itself

THURS 5 OCTOBER

Along with rock, rap, and all the rest. Those comedians at Napster and Tower Records Japan announced this week that Napster Japan, its joint digital music service, has gone live.

I don't know how it works in other countries, but this is how it's going to work here. To download songs, you'll pay a ¥1,280 (about £6.50) monthly subscription. This will enable you to "save the songs on as many as 3 computers". That's only on computers, mind. If you want to transfer them onto an mp3 player (am I being a bit thick here?), you'll have to subscribe to a different service, costing ¥1,980 (about ten quid) a month. This opens up a whole new world of opportunities for your tunes, which can be saved to "three computers and three portable devices".

So maybe you're thinking, "Well, I don't know if I spend ten quid every month on music." I was thinking that. So I thought, no worries, subscribe for one month, maybe two, and spend some serious time downloading as much as you possibly can, and then cancel your subscription. Hey presto, inflated music collection, only twenty quid spent.

Except they've thought of that. Of course they have. Get this. The minute you cancel your subscription... all your music disappears. Seriously. You're only ever 'renting' your music.

If you should actually want to OWN your music (outrageous!), you'll have to go "a la carte", which will mean each tune is individually priced - ¥200 per Japanese song and ¥150 for foreign muck. Which would mean that an album of 15 tunes would cost you about £15, the same price as it is offline (that's 'in the real world').

So despite the fact that this looks to me like an elaborate suicide note, Napster "aims to win 1 million subscribers over the next three years". Well, err, good luck with that.

Home taping is killing musicThis'll be old news to web users interested in Digital Rights Management issues and the music industry's attempts to cripple CDs, PCs and copying software. But I'm genuinely surprised that this kind of deal is not unusual across the industry. I'm also surprised that there is any support at all from consumers for a global music industry that's increasingly desperate to safeguard its gargantuan profits and dictate to its users what it may or may not do with its products. This whole copyright issue is of course not a new one. You'll rememember when the space age technology of blank cassettes hit the market, and how this killed the music industry and they never made another penny profit ever again. Ever.

Something dark on the horizon?

THURS 5 OCTOBER

Accusations of rising nationalism in Japan are old hat. China and Korea bat this old favourite around regularly. But now that those further afield have had some time to watch Shinzo Abe set out his prime ministerial stall, voices of concern are being raised all over the place.

Nationalism, such an ugly and connotation-laden word in the west, is being portrayed differently in conservative Japan. Those familiar with John Major's attempt to go 'Back to Basics' ("It is time to get back to basics: to self-discipline and respect for the law, to consideration for others, to accepting responsibility for yourself.") will recognise all the hallmarks of King Canute-like policy-making in Abe's new mantra (and title of his book) 'Utsukushii Kuni e' ('Toward a beautiful nation').

Some things to remember about Abe: Abe was the one who tabled the suggestion of pre-emptive strikes against North Korea; Abe is the one who dislikes children to be taught about Japanese war-time atrocities at school as it is a "masochistic view of history" (to that end Abe supported the use of the New History Textbook, a highly controversial school history text prepared by the 'Japanese Society for History Textbook Reform'); and the Abe is the one who's hell bent on 'revising' Japan's pacifist constitution.

Abe's supporters say there is nothing sinister in the recent headlong lurch to the right. "It is not an arrogant nationalism. We are not hostile to other cultures. But we want Japanese people to respect traditional Japanese culture, a culture that goes back more than 2,000 years but which has been weakened in the last 60 years," says Hakubun Shimomura, the new deputy chief Cabinet secretary. So the modern world is messing up the wa? Deal with it. Can't every country say the same of its culture in today's world of globalisation? Isn't it the age-old complaint of every conservative (small c) party in every country? Perhaps these politicians really believe that it's only Japan that's being changed, its children corrupted by malevolent outside influences, having its (2000-year-old) culture erased. Taking a particularly isolationist and parochial view of the world and your position in it, I suppose that's the way it would look. But isn't it just the old fart down the road moaning "Kids today ain't got no respect..."?

Well Abe's gonna damn well teach them some respect. In the recent row between a Tokyo school board and a group of teachers over an order to stand before the flag and sing the national anthem in school, the teachers won the court case. But Abe immediately came out in favour of the school board, citing that other mantra, "Patriotic Education" (or "Teaching these damn kids some respect. And those leftie teachers, while we're at it"), which will spearhead his drive to reform the Fundamental Law on Education, which has gone unchanged and ensured kids today learn the same stuff the same way as kids did in 1947.

All of this can of course be viewed as 'New Japan' thinking it's been far too deferential for far too long, and it's easy to see that the roots of the desire to 'stand up for itself' actually lie not in Japan, but in China. The economic boom (not to mention the massive recent increase in military spending) in China has many in Japan nervous, not only of ceding the position of east Asian leader, but perhaps more.

And as far as Japan itself is concerned, sympathetic commentators are quick to claim that a rise in nationalism doesn't equate to rising militarism. Military spending, after all, is currently only 1% of GDP. But Abe's pretty keen on 'looking at' that constitutional pacifist Clause 9. It'd do no harm to keep one eye on the budget.

UK voters

WEDS 4 OCTOBER

The next scheduled general election's still some way off, but who knows what could happen before then.

Worried that you won't be able to choose between the two main parties? Then this probably won't help much.

Every day, I'm forced...

WEDS 4 OCTOBER

...to add another name to the list. Today's lucky contestant is Small Blue Mazda Driver from Kumamoto!

Something of a tv addict, Mr SBMD not only had a TV on the dashboard of his car. Which he was watching.

No, not just one, ladies and gentlemen. Do I hear two?

No, not even two.

Three! I tell you. Three tellies. With the other two being installed in the driver's side and passenger side sun visors. Which were lowered. At night. And broadcasting the same gyrating pop star that Screen 3 was.

All of which probably cut down the visible area of the windscreen to about a square metre. Not that that bothered him, because as it turned out (as we noticed when he pulled off the road) he was on his mobile phone anyway...

This brain-hurt knuckle-dragger will of course never be caught doing this, because enforcing the Road Traffic Law is something the local police don't do before lunch or after dark. Or in fact any time that isn't an official government-directed 'Campaign' season. For example when it was made illegal to use your mobile while driving, there was a day of visible 'crackdown' and then like so many fads before it, it was forgotten, the police deciding it wasn't important enough to warrant wasting man-hours on. And I suppose watching three tvs instead of the road ahead of you probably falls into the same category.

Vroom, vroom, you're deadThis week, a driver from Saitama made the headlines for ploughing into a line of kindergarten children who had been walking beside the road. He told police he'd been 'changing the tape'. Quite how difficult a process this was, and how fast he was going in the small side street was not revealed, but he managed to kill 4 of the children and injure another 17 before doing anything as preventative as lifting his head or, say, applying the brakes.

Accidents like this aren't as uncommon as they should be, along with accidents caused by drunk drivers, and still police out in the streets doing spot checks and acting as a deterrent are virtually non-existant. There's no such thing as 'crime prevention' round here. There's only mopping up.

Learning life's lessons so that you don't have to: pt II

TUES 3 OCTOBER

When you're tired, and it's bedtime, go to bed. Don't attempt anything vaguely technical or that requires even the slightest concentration. Like updating your site.

The last thing you need before retiring to bed is a huge adrenaline rush. Which you'd get if you, say, saved an empty template over the top of an entire month's work. And then for some reason uploaded it, thereby saying goodbye to the only other retrievable copy of it.

Yes, not just one act of inexplicable stupidity, but two.

Realising my 'mistake', I reacted as anyone would, by breaking out into a sweat and gasping for breath. "How the hell did that happen?!" (notice how I cleverly avoided using the word "I" in that outburst?)

Pounding my head repeatedly into the keyboard provided not only some relief, but also inspiration, as I went off in search of what Google might have cached recently, and found a page that was only a week-and-a-bit old. A quick copy and I was back in business, but that still meant losing a couple of long articles. Even so, Defcon downgraded from 'unstable' to 'miffed'.

Only after another half hour of fruitless websearches and sighing did it then occur to me that I might have done my last update from the work computer, rather than from home. And so it was with a huge sigh of relief that when I switched on in the office this morning, there it all was, safe and sound.

What can I say, I was tired, and hard of thinking.

Cough up to avoid the long drop

MON 2 OCTOBER

Advice now to anyone likely to be convicted of a heinous crime in Japan - bung the victim or the victim's family a few quid, and the law's very likely to take a far more lenient view of your hideous misdeeds. Chances are you can bargain a certain death sentence down to life imprisonment or less if you throw a few hundred pounds in the right direction. Because money can wash all sins.

Lucie Blackman was working as a bar hostess in Tokyo in 2000 when she was unfortunate enough to meet Joji Obara. He allegedly abducted, drugged, raped and murdered her, before dismembering her body which he then dumped in a cave not far from his home. Her remains were uncovered the following year. Obara is now in court charged with her murder, the murder of another hostess and the rape of 6 other women.

Obara put in a plea of 'not guilty', saying that there was nothing to link him to the crime, though the prosecution believe they have compelling evidence. Despite this, Japan's much-vaunted 98% conviction rate is down to judges relying on confessions. And despite six months of police questioning, Obara has not been forthcoming.

Peculiar then, that Obara should have offered £200,000 to the family of Australian Carita Ridgway, who he is also alleged to have murdered. Then in April, he offered Jane Steare, Lucie's mother, the same amount. Later that month, he is said to have offered Tim Blackman, Lucie's father, more than a quarter of a million pounds on condition that he refuse to give evidence in court. All these offers were turned down. However, this week, Tim Blackman was offered ¥100 million (around half a million pounds), which he apparently accepted. It's not for me to judge his decision, but it throws up a couple of interesting points.

To any sane-minded person, these extraordinary offers must clearly be admissions of guilt. Or perhaps Obara is convinced he'll be convicted despite his protestations of innocence. But why would you offer such vast sums of money to people you claim no connection to? Tim Blackman, in a statement, said he accepted the money as "condolence money", and Obara's defence team said he'd sent the money out of a feeling of "moral responsibility."

"Moral responsibility"? If you're innocent, why assume the responsibility? And if you're not, it's a bit late for that.

The prosecution starts its closing statements tomorrow, and a decision is expected in December. Assuming that the judge returns a guilty verdict, will the payment make any difference to the sentence? Tim Blackman hopes that the money will have no bearing on the judge's decision. Obara is evidently hoping otherwise.





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